No Better Band-aid than a Kiss
by PervKatzchen
Summary: DODGEBALL! Edd hates it more than germs. But what happens after? Kevin spends a week as a gay, lesbians show up and teenage life progresses forward. How shall the group make sense of these emerging relationships? A football game and underage drinking that's how! Slash slash slash and more slash but mostly Kevedd with a side of Nave
1. Chapter 1 Locker Room Fun

Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy nor do I own Nat Goldberg(c2ndy2c1d) or Rave( kirakurry). They belong to the Kevedd Gods

1st fanfic ever so be gentle with me! or not... I really don't mind~ I typed this out once but I must've screwed it up some how. It's T for now but soon its going to get real INTENSE *pelvic trust*. Inspired by the episode 'Ed in a Halfshell'. How I ever got a Kevedd fanfic out of that episode only Jesus knows... But I digress! Don't get too distracted by all the extra slash I stuff in here, I just want everyone to have a cuddle buddy by the end.

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Chapter 1.

"This sucks…" He pouted, standing in front of his gym locker and wanting nothing more than to bleach the questionable metal. Eddward stood in between his two best friends, Eddy to his left and Ed to his right, (forming an unintentional head stair chase) in the Peach Creek High boy's locker room.

"Holy cow Double D!" Eddy yapped as he pulled his yellow polo over his head, disturbing his three pronged hair gel spikes. "Never thought you'd ever use a word like sucks."

"This class does it to me. It Rips away any sense of… sense." The Dejected Edd opened the thin door, cringing as his skin touched the latch. Gym class... the bane of every nerd's existence. The locker room was the first obstacle. There may have been a relative few in the tiled room, and most of them have seen Edd in various states of undress, but it still was horribly awkward.

" What's got your man panties in a twist?" Eddy scoffed, "It's boys against girls dodge ball."

"You know full well how I detest dodge ball!" Edd hissed. A couple boys turned to glare at him, but he paid them no mind. "If the utter lack of athletic prowess and crippling awkwardness in this god forsaken reverse harem wasn't enough they are making us hurl balls at our female peers! Dodge ball of all things! In the twenty first century it's the fax simile of stoning."

"Double D doesn't fret!" Ed said cheerfully, clad in only his undergarments and sneakers. "For if you get hit three times with the same ball the Gym God's will bless you with eternal virginity!" The impossibly tall Ed towered over everyone. The short ginger bristles were the only normal thing about the boy. Slightly off eyes, slightly yellowed skin, rectangular head and monstrous strength, but Ed had a heart sweeter than Eddy's favorite candy store.

"Now tell me lumpy. Why is that a good thing?" Eddy retorted. Edd slipped off his shoes, pulled down the waist band of his khaki slacks (folding them neatly and placing them in a plastic bag) and began to unbutton his red dress shirt.

"Dear Ed, that sounds more like the Greek goddess Artemis. The goddess of virginity, the moon and the hunt." Edd told his large friend kindly, trying to ignore Eddy's unhindered snickers. "And tell me what is so funny?"

"Goddess of virginity _and _the hUNT? Little conflicting eh?" Edd dismissed his immaturity with a small slap to the side of the head, giggling slightly at Eddy's annoyed sideways glance. Chocolate brown hair with eyes to match , Eddy reminded Edd of a puppy, despite the mischievous smirks and highly expressive eye brows. "First you say 'sucks' then you slap me? Don't tell me its sassy Double D day?"

"Sassy Double D gets all the bitches!" Ed cheered, "Do people in the south call people in the north Northerners?" Ed asked, now dressed in a black muscle shirt and running shorts.

"I suppose so Ed." Double D replied, pulling his grey basket ball shorts up. "Although I don't think people in Argentina call people in Canada northerners."

"I saw this Argentinean chick at work yesterday." Eddy input tying his laces. "She was doing her delicates. So hot!" If any job could fit an individual as well as Eddy working at the Launder Mat, it would be Ed working at a Movie rental. Eddy could sit around and watch others work then collect loose change from the dyer at the end of the day. And well… Ed was as enthusiastic about films as always.

"Not as hot when the Kankers came to wash their unmentionables." Edd snickered and Eddy shuddered, making a horrified face at the memory.

"Thank God for internet porn, took me hours to burn those images…" Eddy began rubbing his face.

"Skipper will you just shut up?!" A familiar, perpetually irritated, voice rang out loudly, echoing as did every other sound. Kevin. Edd turned, his mood dropping even lower, upon seeing the ginger who was as athletic and pale as ever (since it's a known fact that gingers don't tan well). It was one of the few times Edd saw him without his red hat, those three orange strands defying 'hair gravity' like Eddy's spikes.

"Stuff it shovel-chin!" Eddy snapped, strutting across the locker room towards Kevin, only his jeans hanging loosely around his hips. He was still shorter than Kevin, even as a junior in high school, but Eddy grew into his frame, adorning it with muscles and what not. He was thick while Kevin was toned.

"Make me Dork!"

" Kevin, do you not understand dork is a term for a blue whales' penis!?" Double D spat at him then instantaneously went ridged and turned to hide his face in the locker.

"You shut it to! double dick head." Kevin yelled.

"Don't dare talk to him like that Box head!" Eddy hollered, nose to nose with the pissed ginger.

"I'll talk to who want, how I want!"

"With your lady voice!*" Eddy mocked, pouting like he though a woman might. Kevin snarled, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

Of the ten boys in the locker room two of them were fighting, seven watched and one just continued to change. Rave was a mystery to Edd. The olive skinned teen with straight banged mahogany hair rarely smiled (unless in the auditorium), held everyone else in contempt (unless they were good on stage) and half his vocabulary was curse words (unless his lines said otherwise). More than once Edd had seen Rave ogled in this very locker room by the other companion Kevin had acquired other than Rolf. Nat's teal hair was another instance of hair gravity, always perfectly pointed out from his small cowlick. He looked scrappier then Kevin but same basic musculature.

"Ed boy, calm your ankles! Your tone is colder than Nana's wooden leg!" Rolf proclaimed excitedly, his black hair so dark it looked blue and skin the same color as the dirt of his farm, body hair everywhere. "Now let's step off this childish quarrel and stop the cat from souring the basil!"

"Cut that old world shit out, Rolf!" Eddy barked at him, losing the voice of reason on the other side.

"Eddy that was uncalled for!" A small boy chimed in defensively. Jimmy's curly platinum blonde Quiff shook with nervousness as he cowered next to Johnny and Plank. If you typed 'gay' into a search engine a picture of Jimmy would pop up. While Edd could pass for eccentric, Jimmy was outted before he spoke. As unlikely as it may sound, he was clinging to Johnny's wife beater like he would Sarah. Johnny was still bald and dark skinned but now a woven Rasta hat covered his melon of a head.

"Say Jimmy why aren't you changing with the rest of the girls?" Eddy replied angrily, making yet another enemy. Johnny glanced at Plank who was staring blankly at the shorter boy. He really was just…stoic… and creepy. A dull yellow Mohawk with a piercing or two completed the image of trouble. Unblinking and silent, the teachers refused to call on him knowing full well he wouldn't answer.

"Plank says to shut up Fat Head!" Johnny translated, as if he communicated telepathically with the wooden face. "And that Jimmy's plenty man, We've see it!...Wait a minute…!?" It might have been a trick of the light but Plank seemed to smirk momentarily as the two boys blushed fervently. Ho Ho Ho , what an interesting development weren't expecting that were ya? Everyone ( yes, Rave to ) turned to give the pair looks of astonishment, disgust or encouragement.

"Eddy, please drop this line of argumentation and resume changing…" Eddward pleaded, now completely dress and holding out an athletic shirt to his problem friend. Eddy scoffed before snatching the garment out of Edd's hands, turning his back of the still annoyed Kevin.

"BOYS!" A voice boomed from outside the locker room door. "The girls are already changed and waiting! IF YOU AREN'T OUT IN TWENTY SECONDS…" there was a pause, "LAPS!" After a round of groans the male half of the class filed out side to be greeted by a shorted haired, flat chested, obviously Lesbian, woman in a track suit.

"Yes Mrs. Roberts." The group sounded off in unison. The gym was the largest part of the school and also the emptiest. Soaring ceilings and immaculate floors reflected Peach Creek's pride in its athletic department. They might have been inside a school but Edd couldn't feel more out of place, what the foreign wardrobe and hypersensitivity to the group around him.

Five girls stood at the other end of the Gym, all in short shorts and tantalizingly small tank tops. Nazz stood next to Sarah, acting much like sisters. They were to two most beautiful girls in Peach creek, not they had much competition. Nazz's honey blonde hair formed a helmet on her head, framing the ruby lips like a golden picture frame and Sarah's dark ginger mane contrasted with her wide blue eyes. Now the competition or the Kankers. Growing breasts and hips helped disperse most of their hideousness. Lee was d-cups easy, bouncing underneath her bouncy orange curls. May's golden sheets of hair ripped down her back and around the respectable c-cups. Marie, the poor girl was flat as a board. Her blue bob cut and many piercing were understandable tools of compensation.

"For Fucks Sake! Put on a God damn shirt Goldberg!" Rave raved, bringing the boys down off their 'pretty girls' high. Nat wiggled in all his pasty glory, covering his nipples with his hands and pouted at his tsundere counterpart.

"As if princess! You know you like it," He called sarcastically. Kevin and Rolf snickered at their friend's antics but no one else laughed as much as Nat.

"Magic marker head Nat-boy is most skilled with his pelvis." Rolf mused.

"Nathan, put your shirt on…" Mrs. Roberts sighed, rubbing her forehead tiredly.

"Say please!"

"PLEASE!" The girls called, wounding the boy's pride. Shoulders slumped he slinked back to the locker room, returning after a second.

"Rave, Jimmy, Johnny go to the girls side and make up for the lack of players." Mrs. Roberts commanded. They did as they were told and Jimmy happily joined Sarah. Edd took a few steps back and grasped the edges of his ski cap, seeing her roll out the tub of dodge balls, tipping it over so the red orbs of rubbers slipped over the floor. "On the whistle... try and kill each other!" She blew and the high pitched trill echoed through the cavernous room.

"I AM THE NIGHT!" Ed yelled, lunging for a ball and then hurling it at Jimmy's head. "Sorry Sarah but this is WAR!" Ed screamed before being pelted by rubber as Sarah fired at him. For fear of being trampled Edd scurried underneath the basketball hoops, trying to avoid the ravenous horde of high schoolers.

"Rolf must avenge his Ancestors! YETATA!" Rolf roared, slamming a ball into Nazz's gut. "Forgive me Go-Go Nazz girl!"

"It's cool Dude." She groaned, walking off the floor and into the bleachers.

"Yo Double D, aren't you gonna _try _and get someone out?" Eddy asked him, blocking an attack by Lee.

"I am afraid not... Marie seems to be determined on making me, as you might say, 'eat rubber'." Eddy snickered at his scrawny friends' attempt to use normal human speech. "Is this all because I refused to kiss her at the school dance? Are women really as temperamental as you say?"

"Nah, Marie is just a bitch when it comes to you. But you gotta admit, Ed took a liking to her little sister after that dance." Eddy said slyly while he and Edd watched Kevin blast Rave in the knees. After a barrage of sailor worthy cursing, Rave trudged off the court. "Can't help it that stupid attracts."

Indeed, Ed and May seemed perfect for one another, both innocent and gentle. Ed stood in front of May as he encouraged her to throw a dodge ball at him. With a small squeak, May softly tossed the ball at Ed's chest, who dramatically fell to the floor. They both left the court, even though May hadn't been hit. The other Ed's laughed as their oldest friend skipped off in the rays of warm adolescent love. However something not so warm collided with Eddy's shoulder blade.

"Dammit Lee!" he yelped as jerked around to glare at his attacker.

"Hush up pipsqueak and hit the bleachers!" Lee called. To Edd's horror, he found himself alone on the boy's side, facing the two remaining Kanker sisters.

"Don't worry about those SKANKS Double D." Eddy told him reassuringly, patting his back. He earned the bird from the respective red head and before leaving his buddy, whispered, "what a woman!"

"Now please ladies, I am more than willing to surrender under the condition that you drop those balls." Edd said squeamishly and raising his hands in defense.

"Not a chance Sockhead!" Marie cackled, winding up for one hell of a pitch.

"Go ahead and throw it Marie!" Lee jeered, brushing a curl out of her eyes.

"I have a history with this game! For God's sake Man have mercy!" Edd implored of the blue haired witch. Mrs. Roberts had been watching the development and decided it better to save the wuss then let him get ground into the floor.

"Kevin, would go save his ass?" She grunted over her shoulder at her star pupil. He grunted back, mildly displeased but stood to comply. He didn't want to save the dork but he didn't want that Kanker get her rocks off by killing the poor guy. Quickly he walked on the court to block for Edd, who was visibly shaking. When Marie saw Kevin start towards Edd however, she hurled the rubber ball as hard as she could at the shivering frame. It whizzed through the air faster the Kevin could make it over and-

- SMACK. The ball hit Edd dead center in the face, spending him sprawling backwards. His face provided no resistance for the projectile, and Kevin winced as he heard the dork's head crack on the shinny floor. Out of guilt, he ran over to Edd and kneeled down next to him.

"MARIE!" Eddy roared, leaping off his bench and after the blue bob cut that that running out the gym doors, the lumbering mass of Ed on his heels.

"Christ Double Dork! Are you alive?" Kevin gasped, helping to prop the nerd up. His hat slipped off… it was laying on the ground next to him, an abounded black lump of fabric. Nervously Kevin glanced at Edd's head, wanting to know the big secret after almost eighteen years of ... it was nothing… not a scar or vein or weird bump. Not a point coming out the top of his head or bulging brain. Just jet black hair that slide around his face in feathery locks. Sure it was a little long but it suited him, it made the blue of his eyes explode.

"Ow…" Edd groaned, clutching the back of his head. As soon as his mouth opened, a small amount of blood tickled down his chin. Lifting a slim finger to dab at the offending fluid, he grimaced. And with a slight whistle from his gap on the 's', "SHIT".

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*RAPID FIST PUMP* I love doing Rolf's and Ed's dialog! Jimmy and Johnny, pretty strange eh? Edd was a bit OOC but since they all notice it brings back balance. Review. or not. Lick the computer screen for all I care. Just don't show it to your Grandmother...unless she's into this stuff... then you have the coolest grandma ever. Pervkatzchen out bitches.


	2. Chapter 2 Naught boy

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. Lots of cursing, Kevin has some dirty thoughts and what not. Read at ones own discretion. M coming very soon.

Ya'll are givin' the warm fuzzies~ OH! and remember the * last chapter? Kevin's lady voice? Well Kevin was the only male EEnE character to have a female voice actress-Kathleen Barr- who also voices (drum roll please)... Marie Kanker. Hallelujah! This pairing is almost canon!

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"Ya know…" Kevin hummed awkwardly. He had helped Edd hobble out of the Gym and half way to the nurses' office without prompting from Mrs. Roberts. One of Edd's arms was slung over Kevin's shoulder and Kevin was employing all his self control to not slide his hand around Edd's waist. "I picked up your hat."

"Many th-anks Kevin." Edd whistled his lips reddened from blood. He 'bout bit a hole through his tongue and even though it looked like it hurt, Kevin loved the whistle. He knew he had been staring at Edd, but he couldn't help it. HE WAS SO FUCKING CUTE. And the fact Edd seemed oblivious to Kevin's amorous gaze, made him THAT MUCH CUTER.

"Every single time I've seen you since you moved to the Cul-de-sac, you've had that hat on. Do you know all the rumors about what was underneath it?" Kevin said, easing into a conversation, not mentioning half of them were created by him. "You look like so much cooler without it. So what gives?" He really did. Especially now, with the basketball shorts and orange t-shirt instead of his nerdy cardigan. Minus the blood, he looked completely normal. Handing the beanie back to him, Kevin hoped he wouldn't put it back on.

"As a pre-adolescent my hair was quite thin. So I choose to adorn my head with a hat but after Junior high the hair grew in black and I wore it simply out of habit." Edd disclosed, tiredly climbing up the stairs with Kevin's aid still clutching the beanie in one hand. The door to the office was propped open and Kevin gingerly pushed Edd through, shivering as the slim arm slipped across his back.

"Where are the teachers when you need 'em?" He grunted poking his head around trying to find someone. "Look double dork, I don't want to leave you here alone to fall asleep and die from one of those repercussions or some shit." Instantly after saying that, he blushed and felt incredibly stupid. But once again Double D didn't catch on.

"Concussion, Kevin." Edd corrected, smiling kindly at the jock. "Well aren't you being an absolute gentleman. Who says chivalry is dead? Although I am not a swooning damsel, the title of knight would fit you perfectly." He lifted his small body onto a slightly raised bench meant for patients. _He's a girl!_ _He sits like a girl, he walks like a girl, and dammit he even looks like a girl! _Kevin's head screamed before conjuring an image of the dork in a dress and one of those cone hats from a fairy tale.

He swallowed hard, leaning against the counter and shut his eyes very tight for a moment, imagining that he was talking to nerdy Edd, unattractive Edd, Double dork. "So like did you really say 'shit' back there?" he asked jerking his head towards the door, thinking never in million years would he swear. It was probably 'spit' or 'ship'.

"I absolutely abhor obscene language…but it felt an appropriate situation if any to use it." He smiled weakly, showing off the small gap in between his front teeth. On some people it would scream braces but on him it was the Peter Pan quality. At Thirty, Edd would still look like a middle schooler Kevin thought jealously.

"Well… doesn't look as if the… nurse is coming." Kevin sputtered, forgetting momentarily why he was standing there. "Anything I can… apply… or wrap?" Edd giggled, covering his mouth with a hand and smearing some blood.

"Oh my… perhaps you could find me a towel or wet wipe." Without delay, Kevin was pawing through drawers and found a roll of paper towels. Pulling off two full sheets, moving to the small sink he wetted one and squeezed the excess water out. Edd reached out to take the towel but Kevin held a hand out to stop him.

"Allow me." _Little much Kev_… but Edds' cheeks did get pinker before he closed his eyes and let him clean him off._ How can someone so smart be so dense? Maybe he's just never had a guy come on to him._ The realization that that's **exactly** what he was doing hit him like truck. _IM COMING ON TO DOUBLE DORK…the hell?! Kevin you fag stop it! _ As tenderly as Kevin could he dabbed the dried blood off Edds' lips. The white rag became stained with red, leaving only faint tracks on the light pink skin. Never was he so careful with anything, he wasn't even this careful with his motorcycle, the piece of machinery that governed his very existence.

With his head tilted back…eyes closed… mouth slightly open… his flawless porcelain skin, inky black hair just begging to have someone's fingers run through it. Edd looked like he was expecting a kiss… Kevin gulped. _Don't do it! I swear to god don't! BAD IDEA. _He begged himself, clenching his jaw tightly. But to no avail. Glancing out the door to see if the cost was clear, he swooped down and pecked the boy's lips, enjoying the single moment of electricity.

"In the name Sam hill…!" Edd yelped, cyan eyes flying open and pulling away from Kevin. Now very red in the face and confused Edd shied away from him, fearing the worst of his intentions. After a second of an hour's long silence the ginger swallowed again, feeling the guilty pleasure. (Naughty boy~)

"Uh…um… like… so… don't ya know there's no better band aid than a kiss Double dork. Didn't your mom ever like kiss your …boo-boos?" Kevin stammered, grasping for any reason to cover up what he just did. It was feeble but it was the only platonic thing he had. "Can't really put a band aid on your tongue." _ Aw… he's just staring at me like a deer in the headlights CRAP!_, He mentally freaked out. You could practically see the gears in Edd's head working to access Kevin's validity.

"Why you're right Kevin." Edd concluded, giving him a warm smile. "That is a mother's motto. I thank you for setting aside your discomfort to provide me with unconventional medical aid. But please in the future respect my personal space."

"Dork…" Kevin sighed fondly. Handing the rag to Double D, he flashed him a nervous smirk. "See ya around, if you don't miss it again." And with that, he hightailed it out of the office, trying to hide the wonderful pink his face turned.

"Miss? Miss what?" Edd asked in distress.

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The cafeteria always seemed a little big for fifteen people, but at least it was never overly loud. Kevin scurried in, skidding on the linoleum floors. Red faced and frantic he searched for Nat, or Rolf or maybe Nazz but at this point he would have settled for Johnny. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a tuft of teal hair and sprinted for it. He slid onto the bench and buried his face in the sleeve of Nat's royal blue sweater, panting like a dog in heat.

"You know I'm not opposed to cuddling but I usually get dinner first." Nat said, staring at the top of Kevin's hat. "Now what's the scoop Kev? Or do you just love the scent of my fabric softener?"

"Can it Nat and let Kev breath." Nazz requested then calmly going back to her fruit snacks. There was a few seconds of silence where she chewed, the sounds of the kids talking hummed around them. "Ok shoot."

"Double dork…" he wheezed, "Band aids… fairy tales… Double D for fucks sake!" Being a little louder then he wanted, he once again hid in Nat's sweater but not before claiming the unwanted attention of Eddy. The four of them sat together at the middle table while the Ed's would sit two tables back. The Kankers sat at the corner table, thankfully a ways away from the rest of them. The pipsqueaks, Johnny and plank hunkered down near the window. And regardless of Nat's pleas, Rave disappeared to the auditorium every day to eat.

"Has your brain been scrambled like the yoke of Rolf's chickens?" Rolf inquired biting into a candied turnip.

"No Rolf… I just kissed Double D." Kevin admitted sheepishly, thanking God the other three couldn't see his face. But he reeled back when Nat hitched mid swallow and began choking on his granola bar.

After a slap on the back he screamed, "You KISSED who?!" and suddenly had Kevin's hands over his mouth.

"Keep it down dipshit!" Kevin hissed.

"Why!?" Nazz yelped, slamming her coke down on the table.

"I don't know!" Kevin said helplessly turning the bill of his hat around to conceal his burning face.

"It's the work of the Hairless Otter! It has convinced Casanova-Kevin that he must milk bulls instead of cows!" Rolf rambled, swinging the vegetable around his head.

"I'm sorry! He was just so… a-double-dorable." He hummed, dropping his chin into the palm of his hand. His face cherry red and eyes glazed he gazed around aimlessly, surprising his friends. That was a look he usually reserved for Nazz and his bike.

"A-dork-able" Nazz input, glancing over at the Ed's table which still lacked their resident genius. If Kevin was for real about the dork, she'd play interference to get the other Ed's off his back. This actually worked out perfectly; she thought smugly, if they got together then she wouldn't have to deal with letting him down.

"Double Dick lick able~" Nat cooed putting both elbows on the table and Kevin punched him squarely in the arm. But he couldn't stay ticked for long and quickly relapsed.

"Without the hat, he sorta looks like the Once-ler from the Lorax movie… giant blue eyes and Jennifer Lawrence cheeks." He mumbled adoringly.

"Bluer than the ocean?" Nazz asked sweetly and Kevin nodded.

"Blue enough to go skinny dipping in?" Nat implied slyly and then got punched again. "Will you stop that!"

"It wasn't like that you pervert! Maybe I might have wondered what it would feel like to run my tongue trough that gap of his but…" _or_ _slipping into his mouth, feeling the hard ridges and his hot tongue wrestling with mine. Tangling my fingers in that jet black hair as he moans and writhes underneath me. _Kevin stopped suddenly feeling all the heat rise to his cheeks. "Oh God…"

"Hot damn now you got me wondering too…" Nat expressed, staring blankly at the opposite wall. "I don't have a clue whats happening between you two but I ship it."

Across the cafeteria, Eddy sat watching the jock cycle threw emotions like a pregnant woman. Double D was still in the office and he hadn't caught a glance of him before chasing after Marie. Once he had dragged her back, Edd and Kevin had already left the Gym. He might never admit it out loud but he was constantly worried about his small friend.

"What do ya thinks' the matter with shovel chin?" Eddy asked the gravy covered Ed.

"Double D lost his hat Eddy!" Ed gurgled not bothering to swallow the thick liquid. A second passed where Eddy attempted to connect the question he asked and the answer Ed gave. And then another second. And another.

"Oh Shit! You mean he saw!?" Eddy hollered, not giving a rat's ass about who heard him. "Lumpy we gotta find out! We know why he wear that stupid thing!"

"Kevin bad for Ed! But Ed knows! He knows."

"Get over it!" Eddy yelped climbing over the lunch table and sprinting across the tile floor to what would technically be the popular table. Ed followed, somewhat reluctantly but he too felt curious. "Hey shovel chin! What happened to Sockhead?!" Kevin whipped around, not fully recovered from his sexual upheaval and was met with a fuming midget.

"What are you talking about Eddy?" Nazz called "You saw what happened to him in class." She flashed him a smile in an attempt to draw him attention away from Kevin.

"Why hello Nazz," Eddy said, plastering a suave grin on his face. "I was just inquiring about what happened after they left together. Ain't that right Kev, you know I know so let's just come out with it." He locked eyes with his lifelong enemy, the crackle of a barely suppressed anger smoldering behind the polite face. Eddy knew, he'd been there before and so had Ed.

"I might have…seen… what was underneath his hat…" Kevin faltered, not used to the almost older brother like concern Eddy showed towards his friend.

"And what did you do to him?" Eddy demanded once more. "Come on, the first time I saw him hatless, I nearly burnt the thing so he couldn't wear it. Now what…"

"I kissed him!" Kevin exclaimed standing up and seeking all the confidence he had no more than forty five minutes ago.

"Shovel chin, I didn't know you dug the dick." Eddy snickered, raising one eyebrow so it disappeared into his hair line.

"I didn't until your little friend giggled at me for fucks sake!" The anger was coming back to him like a habitual twitch. The silence filling the lunch room didn't register with either of them and Kevin just kept going. "I don't swing like that! Double dork barely counts as a boy! Now tell me how many times have you dressed him up for one of your scams?"

"I didn't once take the hat off though!" Eddy shouted back, climbing on the bench to reach Kevin's height.

"Double D is like one of the siren sisters from Nebula 9, who, with one bat of an eyelash can turn you into her personal slave of sexual favors." Ed purred, batting his own eyelashes at Kevin.

"What?" Kevin said bewildered. So Nat piped up, but that's what bros do.

"So why does he wear the hat, Rumplestiltskin?"

"Cause that happens!" Ed bellowed pointing wildly at Kevin's bright red face that almost matched his hair.

"Double D ,without his hat, is a veritable bombshell." Eddy expanded on Ed's ramblings ,stepping down with a 'clack'. "He don't notice it though. And Kevin will agree that it just makes him more… appetizing." Hiding his face with the bill of his hat again, he nodded. "Even the hetero as Hue Heffner Rolf would try and tap 'em."

If they hadn't fallen quiet at that moment, no one would have heard the cafeteria door swing open and Edd click clack in, fully dressed in his nerd attire. "Oh my word, are Kevin and Eddy fighting again?"

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Chapter Zwei is finito! Enjoy it. Cause now its tame Keveed! Imma marry Nat, dick or not! His dialog is so easy. Review, don't. lick your grandma and so on and so forth.


	3. Chapter 3 King of Butts

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Not for lack of trying.

Short, but next chapter shall come fast. Probably of the same length. Amusing filler mostly.

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Edd's small feet carried him quickly across the cafeteria to the growing group of children gathering around his best friends and long time bully. _What on earth were they quarreling about now_? He worried, feeling as if Eddy had started this battle (but when did he not). Hurriedly he jumped in between the ginger and the midget, pressing a hand to both of their chests.

"The reason for your conflict eludes me but I beseech you to desist!" He cried, pushing feebly against them but moving neither a millimeter.

"Calm down Sockhead, we came to a truce without the almighty Switzerland known as you." Eddy answered, smirking at Kevin while snatched Edd's wrist and pulled him over to his side. Kevin gawked, wide eyed and blushing at the dork, unable to overcome the beauty he could see covered by argyle. _He's still cute! Dammit all to hell!_

"Really? Might I ask what you two were fighting about?" Double D requested, charming and polite, turning back and forth from Eddy to Kevin.

"You." Ed informed them simply and sent Nat snorting with laughter, Kevin sputtering out of sheer humiliation and Eddy glaring at him.

"Me?"

"Uh, Eddy was just…" Kevin reached, snapping his fingers quickly, "…wondering why _I_ took you up to the nurse instead of going to lunch. And I told him that… I was concerned. I don't want anyone pick on you guys… but me." Edd stared at him just like in the nurse's, the little invisible gears working behind his forehead. Eddy rolled his eyes and pretended to gag out of Double D's sight.

"Surprise after surprise!" Edd said joyfully, placing on hand on the taller boy's shoulder, inadvertently drawing him nearer. "Underneath all that anger is a sweetie, a bona fide Knight in shining armor! Overdue, yes but appreciated all the same." Eddy continued the fake gagging and Kevin just froze in place, face as red as the end of a thermometer. "Um, Kevin are you feeling alright?" Edd placed his free hand on the boy's forehead. But prior to Kevin passing out of his own volition, Nat pushed in out of the way and on to the floor.

"What the hell!" Kevin screeched, flailing angrily.

"Shush..." he silenced Kevin, examining every inch, every aspect of the nerds face.

"Nathan?" Edd began.

"You really are a cutie!" Nat exclaimed, "I can't believe, I, Nat, King of Butts, missed such a… sexy little geek." The blood vessels in Edd's face might have broken from the force of his blush. Both Kevin and Eddy bounced into action, shoving Nat away from Double D. "Oh come on, like you guys weren't wondering what he'd look like in a cheerleading costume?"

"Horn canine Nat- boy keep your daddy stick in your trousers." Rolf spoke up, stretching over to ruffle the teal hair. Nat slapped the large callused hand away, whining something about 'messing with his sexy'.

"Really? You already have that choice piece of theater ass and just because he never takes his Midol does not mean you get can muscle in on my man." Marie sneered, sauntering over to the group, looking hellish as usual.

"Your man?" everyone said (except Plank.)

"I am my own man…"Edd whimpered.

"Rave is not just a piece of ass, even if it's a really nice ass." Nat replied defensively. "Plus he is bitchier than you and could rip you apart."

"You do not talk to my sister, freak show!" Lee snapped, leaning into leer at Nat.

"Lee, you have no room to talk!" Sarah interjected, stomping over to brother.

"This constant fighting is tearing us apart!" Jimmy wailed.

"It's alright Jimmy, Plank said it's just sexual frustration and that she needs to get plowed." There was that half second smile again as Johnny realized it was better to think before speaking for his best friend.

"Bite me Half-pint! Let's get 'em May! May? MAY!" She called repeatedly, just to see her sister cuddling with the disgusting olive green jacket Ed wore religiously.

"I beg you to leave the fiery one be!" Rolf implored, moving from the bench swiftly between Lee and Sarah. Marie rolled her eyes and rammed past her older sister. Kevin and Eddy rolled back their shoulders and made a wall to prevent her progress to Double D.

"Move." She growled, blue hair crackling.

"Nope." Eddy smirked, not detoured by the fact he wasn't an inch taller than her.

"Why?" Kevin said boredom apparent in his voice.

"I want you to."

"Okay this is ridiculous!" Nazz interrupted, abandoning her lunch and grabbing Marie's arm, dragging her away from the gaggle of teenagers.

"It's the middle of the school day Nazz!" Marie yelped in surprise.

"We aren't doing _that_!" She hissed, turning bright red. The two left, leaving behind a large mass of confusion, some silence and a multitude of future story elaboration. Collecting themselves, the kids of the Cul-de-sac retreated back to their cliques, feeling the anger dissipate when the antagonist fled. Long time enemies, stood side by side to protect a common infatuation. The bell rang signaling to student to move to their next class, prompting them into an immediate and automatic reaction. Kids scattered, in awe of the unusual development forming within their ranks. But Kevin stood in place, fearing that if he turned around, Double dork would be missing. _Like a Band-Aid_, he thought, _rip it off quick_. Twisting around on his heel, eyes closed and fists clenched, He grabbed the shoulders of the first body he caught.

"Wanna come to the football game Friday?" He asked in a rush, picking the first public gathering he could think of.

"Why Kevin~" Came a breathy voice and his eyes flew open. "You're so forward." Eddy grinned.

"You shit-faced…"

"I'd be happy to go Kevin." Double D interrupted, resting a small hand on the jock's forearm. "Although there are always extenuating circumstances. Now if you'll excuse me I really must be getting to class." And he scurried out the doors, clutching the strap of his messenger bag. Losing momentary control and forgetting Edd's copious innocence, he watched his butt. _God…I've spent too much time with Nat._

"I hope he forgets." Eddy said, patting the other boy on the back harshly. They were left in the cafeteria alone, and they weren't ripping each other's throats out. Weird.

"Look, if you make sure he gets to the game I will get you not one but two pictures of Nazz in _half_ of her cheerleader uniform." Eddy pretended to contemplate for a moment.

"Throw in case of jawbreakers and you have a deal." He agreed, slapping Kevin on the back again. "I swear, if you so much as think about doing what Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka do on the weekends, I will risk prison." To give credit where credit is due…Eddy was frightening, the flash of drop dead serious in his eyes as he left Kevin alone, slamming both doors open on his exit. _Since when did he grow a pair? Must be Edd's effect on him. Same way he turned me into a stuttering love struck school girl…_

"I hate Mondays."

* * *

Who else is loving that only the original cast is in the school? (hush up about Nat, Rave or Plank, they're special.) Next up: enjoy Kevin panic and pull out all his hair over the next week. Lick your grandma and what not. PervKatzchen out bitches

Since the Reviews make soul fly with birds, I will meekly request you continue...


	4. Chapter 4 As week as a Queer

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Not for lack of trying.

I pumped this out for you guys. Blame the internet for 'distracting' me *cough cough*. I upgraded since I ain't sure were some of this lays on the facfic magic scale of rating. But I don't wanna get bitch slapped through a house for displeasing the FanFiction Gods. ENJOY~

* * *

Monday (after lunch)

Pop quiz: failed. Homework: forgotten. The strings on his green hoodie were chewed and mangled as Kevin sat on the bus carting the kids back to the Cul-de-sac. His motorcycle sat, untouched in his garage, seeing as the bitter cold wind of mid-October made riding it horrible. _Good thing too… I'm so on edge I might have wrecked._ The winter weather however was the last thing on his mind. He was more focused on the dark beanie sitting at the very front of the bus. _We have every single class together, I've been watching him nonstop since this morning, I feel like I fucking stalker! _

He resumed the chewing on the string, aware of how fast his leg was moving up and down. The entrance to the street popped out from behind a bush and Kevin saw the yellow walls of his house in the distance. _First window, top floor,_ he thought twisting the aglet between his teeth,_ my bathroom. My old man isn't home yet…oh._ An idea struck him, filling him with shame and embarrassment that he would resort to such things after the initial encounter. _The periwinkle house across the street is Double D's… his bedroom window isn't even fifty feet away, don't even try! _

The bus came to an abrupt stop, flinging Kevin into the back cover of the seat in front of him. An irate Sarah twisted about to hiss at him, then stood up, exiting the bus her nose upturned. _Uptight prude…come to think of it she had a crush on Double dork, Nazz kinda did too, and Marie obviously. Whoa, he used to be a chick magnet. _Leaves crunched under foot and wind whipped passed him, almost snatching up his hat. Retrieving the house key from the fake rock on the porch, he saw the nerd's reflection in storm door. He turned his head slightly to glaze longingly at the other's backside as he bent over to search for a dropped pencil.

"Uh~" He groaned, wanting nothing more than to tackle the kid to the ground and rip his khaki pants off with his teeth. "Oh fuck it, I'll pound one out in the shower."

* * *

Tuesday

By 8:30 the next morning, everyone at school (cough fifteen kids cough) knew of Kevin's newest love interest. But they had miraculously kept Double dork outta the loop. Each kid had an approach to either encourage him or make him feel like shit about it. Eddy's pissed him off the most. The amount he touched Edd, doubled overnight. Throwing his arm around Edd's shoulders, tugging on his sleeves, hanging from his waist, playing with the locks of hair that stuck out the back of his beanie. Once while Double D was fishing a book out of the bottom of his locker, Eddy saw Kevin staring and decided spanking Edd was an amazing idea. Not only did Nat have to put Kevin a full nelson to prevent him from pummeling the little shit but Double D hit Eddy across the knuckles with a ruler.

Ed was much less evil. He just pinned mistletoe to the bill of Kevin's hat, then sent Edd over. When he turned the hat around in embarrassment and saw the ornament, he barely escaped by jumping over the stair case railing and booking it out of the hallway. Rolf… damn son of a shepherd. In fourth period chemistry, he slipped him a little bag labeled 'försiktighet'.

"What does for-si-kite-get mean?" Kevin expected, irritated.

"Caution, Casanova- Kevin." Rolf said proudly opening the little sack to reveal ground up nature. "This if a combination of, Muira Puama, Cayenne pepper, ginseng, Yohimbe, Hawthorn, Cuscuta, Catuaba, peppermint, suma root andHorny Goat Weed.

"Horny goat what…?"

"Or Epimedium, it creates very strong crotch feelings and grows enough sperm for the Gods! Just slip a little the sock head Ed-boy and you'll be plowing his fields." _On his knees, begging me to take him, pawing at the zipper of his pants. Red faced and hot, seeking any friction on the engorged lump in his pants, just moments away from rubbing himself against my leg. _

"Get that away from me!" Kevin yelped, nearly falling out of his chair. _Thank you so much for the early morning hard- on. _

"But…?" Rolf asked perplexed.

"I'm being gentle with this! With him… ow…" He slammed his head down in the lad tables, shifting uncomfortably for the remainder of the class, repeating 'gentleman, suit and tie, romance' under his breath.

And when he went home that night, went through family photo albums. Loading his mind full of disgusting relatives to picture went his stupid **stupid** erection flared up again.

* * *

Wednesday

Nat and Rave seemed to have banded together to send Kevin spiraling down the rabbit hole. With a heaping helping of smooth talking and skill Nat convinced the young female English lit teacher to take the class to the school theater for a free period. Upon arrival Rave whisked Edd backstage, explaining how in olden days men would play women's parts. The large room was dark, the seats and floors covered in red cloth. Walls splattered with paint and sound systems, maroon curtains cascading from high beams to the flat black stage.

"We have a little present for ya Kev!" Nat teased, pulling him to the front row of seats.

"What did you do?" He demanded, secretly searching for the dork.

"Only James knows."

"Who's James?" He poised before the overhanging lights flared to life, bringing two figures into sharp relief. Two women, both thin and dressed in identical uniforms. Raised waist plaid skirts, cap sleeved white button ups and black flats with ruffle socks

"I'm James you jackass!" The taller one said, crossing her arms over her flat chest. The short reddish brown hair framing a scowl and tired brown eyes. "Goldberg you own me big for this."

"Would my dick suffice?" Nat offered and the woman flicked him off.

"Holy shit its Rave!" Kevin screamed.

"And Double D." Nat pointed out, waving flirtatiously at the pair.

"Isn't this intriguing!" Edd exclaimed hopping off the stage, his skirt rippling up somewhat. Rave had brushed his hair so the bangs swooped over one eye instead of being slicked back under his hat. "Why, it might be damaging to my masculine pride but it's difficult to tell I'm not female. Look, by wearing stockings you make it appear as though my legs are saved." Placing his foot on the arm rest between Nat and Kevin, entirely naïve to how much he looked like a stripper.

"By God, they're even smooth." Nat cooed, running two fingers up and down Edd's calve. "Touch him Kev."

"Yes, go ahead Kevin, it is most fascinating." _Touch me Kevin, I want it. There's a little present for you further up. _ Jerking his hand away, unaware that he was moving it at all, Kevin panicked and climbed over the back of the chair.

"You know what, I'm good. I've… seen that movie." He sputtered, tumbling into the isle, pressure building in the pit of his stomach. Disregarding the twenty minutes left in the period, he exited the auditorium quickly to the hallway where he sank to the floor, unable to stand due to hormonal overload.

After a few moments of cooling down, Johnny and Plank strolled past, holding a bathroom pass. A cigarette hung from Plank's thin lips, trailing smoke. Those dull eyes turned on Kevin, and he snorted, a flicker of a smile passing over his face. The sound alerted Johnny who glanced at the seated red head. Giving him a weak grin and a thumbs up, he said.

"Plank says, It'll get better."

* * *

Eleventh period.

Nazz, Kevin's savior, his golden girl. She had kept Marie off his back, which he was most grateful for. In fact, she had kept the whole Kanker clan at bay. But there was only so much she could hold back. For example, she could never keep Sarah. Trigonometry, last class of the day. The home stretch. **Of course** the annoying twerp would make it suck nuts. Eraser after eraser was thrown at the back of his head. _Maybe that crush is still going strong? _He pondered cracking his knuckles, enjoying the idea he might steal the dork from Sarah.

When the bell rang, it was like symphony telling him: one more day down!

* * *

Thursday.

Kevin pulled a Ferris Bueller and spent the day 'researching'.

* * *

FRIDAY Mother Fuckers!

He woke up with a headache. Lifting himself out of bed, orange hair tousled, the bright blue letters on his alarm clock reading 5:27. With a groan, he flopped back on his sheets. _I have to go today…I really should have gone yesterday but I needed to find my extra helmet. I really hope Edd didn't forget. _ His stomach growled and the kitchen beckoned him down stairs. _Might as well, what good will forty minutes of sleep do. _

Arriving seconds before the warning bell sounded, Kevin parked his bike, and sprinted through the front doors, colliding with a tiny frame. They both hit the floor, sending books in every direction and two hats off two heads.

"My word Kevin, running late I suppose?" Edd said, adjusting his shirt. It was a Peach Creek Cobblers jersey atop a white long sleeved turtle neck.

"You're coming the football game, I suppose?" Kevin added sarcastically, picking up his drawstring sports bag. Giggling Edd grabbed the red ball cap out of his lap.

"Well, you did request I partake." He fiddled with the bill, "You also wear your hat just as much as I. You're quite handsome without it. Strong jaw line, crooked smile, friendly jade irises." Kevin couldn't tell if he was dreaming or Double dork was really sitting in front of him, pink cheeked and complimenting him.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you are hitting on me." He smirked, hiding his own flush. Very nearly jolting out of a stupor, Edd's cheeks blazed and he jammed the hat back onto Kevin's head.

"No! It's simply… I just… you seemed to be avoiding me this week and… flattery helps form good friendships." He babbled. _Friendships? Ouch!_ Kevin theorized, feeling his insides grow cold and heart sink. _LIKE HELL I'M GONNA GET FRIEND ZONED BY DOUBLE DIPSHIT HERE! _

"I'm not so much avoiding you as I'm avoiding everyone else." He clarified, removing the black beanie from the floor. Collecting the rest of Double D's things and handing them back to him, saving his hat, they scrambled to their feet. Taking a step closer to the nerd, he carefully slid the beanie on, the green eyes locking with the cyan. Leaving his hands on either side of Edd's face , he whispered "You're much more fun but don't them know."

"K-kevin?" Edd stuttered, his face flaring so hot Kevin could feel it. He swiftly let the kid go, strutting down the hall way, stuffing one hand in the back pocket of his jeans and the other waving.

"Catch ya later Dork." _I totally nailed that! Kevin you clever bastard~ _

The rest of the day passed without incident. Sitting in each class, tapping his pencil on the desk, Kevin watched the clock well aware that doing that only made the day go slower. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap ta-

Rave snatched the pencil out of Kevin's hand, snapping it in half and throwing it across the room. Finishing with a scowl, he stomped back to his desk, slapping the hysterically laughing Nat in the back of the head. Kevin thought about tapping his finger but was pretty sure Rave would break that too. The teacher hadn't even stopped the lesson, since it was completely normal for Rave to PMS in class.

At the final bell, Kevin bolted out of the school, tripping Sarah as he fled the Trig class room then tripping Eddy as he passed his locker. Jumping on his motor cycle he reviewed the plan he made instead of taking notes (what could he do? Rave broke his pencil). _Game starts at seven, travel time fifteen minutes plus extra time to get tickets and food. _He spend down the street, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering as fast as his bike. _I'm going to be a gentlemen and buy him whatever he wants. Then we're going to take drive through the woods all the way up to that hill that overlooks the creek and I'm going kiss him right this time. _

* * *

"It's 6:30, time to get 'em." Kevin told himself, tugging on his Dad's old Letterman's jacket. The material was worn, It felt warm. It smelled vaguely like his old man and surprisingly like his mom. _She must have clung to him constantly. She was with him so much, her scent bled into everything he owned. I wonder if that'll ever happen to me. No amount of fabric softener will ever get her out of this jacket. _

"Kevin!" Called a voice from the bottom of the stairs, "Sweetie, are you eating with us?"

"No Ma, I'm going to the game!" He called back, taking one last look around his room to check if forgot anything. Confirming he didn't, he flicked the lights on and walked out.

"Oh don't you look handsome, is my little prince taking a girl with him?" She solicited, planting her hands on her hips, flashing the smile she used on her Real Estate clients. He stopped dead in his tracks, _Oh Shit! Parents! How could I forget my parents!? No shit they're gonna have a problem with me trying to get into another GUY'S pants! _

"Actually Ma, I'm taking the kid across the street." He told her, taking a leap of faith, hoping against hope she wouldn't connect the dots.

"The smart one?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. Kevin nodded, feeling the sinking in his gut again. "So you're telling me he's not a girl?" she said not knowing the case of giggles she had given her son.

"Who's not a girl?" Kevin's dad asked rounding the corner, taking his place next to his wife. They were a striking pair, both fiery red heads dressed for success. His father, a hulking figure with a square head, the perfect college linebacker and now the CEO of Jaw busters inc. His mother's curves were only reviled by her curls which enticed numerous male house hunters. "What's so funny Sport?"

Calming his laughter, Kevin tried to explain. "No he's not a girl mom! His name is Eddward and I was kinda a dick to him when we were kids so…"

"You're making amends." Dad finished for him. "I'm proud that we raised such a conscientious young man. Though the scrawny one does remind me of Pat Benatar in man-drag. He's petite…" He turned back, heading towards the smell of food and Kevin hopped down the stairs to his mom.

"I'm not really sure what's gonna happen. The games can go to 11:00 and Nat always drag us to his house." He expanded, setting up a net incase his plans went **great.**

"Don't worry about it, I trust you. No drinking, drugs or girls. Simple enough rules to follow I think." Smiling, she led him to the door. "Now you get going, make a new friend. Gosh, you look exactly like your father." unceremoniously she shoved him out the door onto the porch.

"Love ya too mom?" Taking a few steps down his porch stairs, he fixed his eyes on the target, Edd's house. His motorcycle was parked in the street, the setting sun reflecting off the glossy black metal. Strutting past it, rolling his shoulders back, he took a deep breath and started up drive way. About half way up the light blue door opened and Kevin took a half step back, wondering if it was Edd's parents. But the little black cloth covered head poked out, opening the door just enough to slip his thin body through then shutting it quietly. _Is he sneaking out? That's__ not very dork like. _"Double dork!"

The kid 'bout jumped out of his size five tennis shoes, squeaking shrilly in the cold silence of the Cul-de-sac nights. "K-kev-vin! My word why aren't you at the game already?"

"I had to pick you up didn't I?" he expressed, feeling nervousness engulf him. _Well duh, he doesn't think this is a date. _

"But should you not be with the rest of the team?"

"What?"

"The football team, preparing to play?"

"Dork, I play baseball." He enlightened stepping onto the others porch, the sudden stomach clench dissipating. Edd's mouth formed an 'oh' as he nodded, blushing at his faux pas.

"Forgive me Kevin, I surely thought you requested to come watch you play..."

"It's cool dude. You can always come watch me play when its actually baseball season." He comforted the boy by patting him gently on the shoulder, _establish a closer connection by showing you are comfortable, with small physical contact, _he recited. "Anyway, why are ya leaving all stealth like? Did your folks not let you leave?" To be blunt, the idea of Edd disobeying his parents for Kevin (or really any reason) turned him on.

"My mother and father are currently on a business outing in Arizona, they will not arrive home till Tuesday of next week." He confessed, eyes down cast. _I should've noticed, they're no car parked and all the lights are off. _For years Edd had been nearly self sufficient, cooking and cleaning for himself, Ed and Eddy. Every now and then he would get lonely, but he had his ants and Eddy's dad was rather fond of his son's friend. Kevin didn't understand this form of solitude, he had friends out the wa-zoo and a large family that visited every year at Christmas. While Double D was forced to hang tinsel as a one man army.

"That happen a lot?" Edd nodded solemnly. Unable to control his limbs, Kevin threw an arm around Double D's neck and brought him into a side hug. "If you can't bare this big house by your self, my door is open and my mom loves watching discovery channel so..." He trailed off, the corners of his mouth pulling. "You guys can learn or some shit."

"Thank you Kevin. That sounds... awesome." Making their way down the stone stairs, Double D didn't pull free, letting Kevin lead him away from his house and over to the seek machine that sat across the street. "I assume your taking us to the game on that death defying contraption?"

"And I assume, you'll try and tell me the statics of motorcycle accidents vs. car accidents? Don't go all super nerd rage on me just yet." Kevin stalled, reluctantly releasing him and grabbing the two helmets sitting on the seat. "We have protection, and I promise I'll go slow." he winced, noticing how dirty that sounded, but he rolled with it. "So take one and get on." stuffing the helmet on his head, hat and all, Kevin climbed on the bike and patted the space behind him. Double D stood ridge for a second, calculating the probability they'd wreak on the way to the school and came up with a rather low percentage. So he strapped into his helmet and carefully straddled the bike. His body was pressed up against the jock's back, feeling the toned muscles underneath the jacket and the unusual amount of heat he radiated.

"Would it be best if I... hold onto you?" He asked meekly, arms at the ready to wrap around the larger boy.

"Yeah..." Kevin breathed. The thin arm encircled his midriff, sending small shivers through him. _Thank you God for putting him behind me! _"Here we go." He kicked the bike stand up and revved the engine, sending them barreling down the road. Edd squealed and tightened his grip on Kevin, burying his face in the letterman's jacket. _THANK YOU JESUS! _

* * *

Next chapter is where the shit really starting happening. Football... the Peach Creek Cobblers vs. Random school. I will suggestions for the other team. But if the Steelers are mentioned I'm shanking someone. GO BROWNS!

Pervkatzchen out bitches


	5. Chapter 5 YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL

Disclaimer: Own nothing I do!

interesting fact: Nave is the main body of the church. It provides the central approach to the high altar. The term _nave,_ from medieval Latin _navis_ or ship. If this was intentional, kudos to kirakurry and c2ndy2c1d. although... if it isn't god must really be on our sides. I actually stopped watching Doctor who long enough to write this for ya'll. So enjoy~

* * *

The school parking lot was packed with cars, the dull chatter of the crowd lofting over the midnight black asphalt. Driving into the lot on the slickest machine there, Kevin and Edd made an entrance, motor purring, the head light cutting a path through the darkness to an open spot between a Volvo and Buick. With Double D clinging to him so tightly and the bike vibrating them against each other like two oiled pistons, Kevin never wanted it to end. But it did, killing the engine and setting the kick stand. For a second Edd still clung to Kevin, eyes shut tight.

"If you want to keep riding…"Kevin offered, smiling to himself.

"No!" He squealed, tearing away from the larger boy. Unsure of what he should do, Edd sat behind Kevin, completely separated from his safety zone. "Don't we have to attend the Football Game?"

"We could skip it" The other hinted, leaning slightly into the boys lap.

"But I've never been to a sporting function before and Eddy explained to me is a sort of requirement for high schooler's social prospectus." Edd said, missing the innuendo. Trying to remove himself from the bike he nearly face planted into the door of the Volvo.

"God Edd, you're so damn c-" Kevin began, sighing fondly as he swung his leg gracefully off the bike. No stop, back track. "Clumsy" That was close!

"Oh now Kevin, I thought you were about to say cute." Edd smirked. Kevin froze, his heart rate rocketing up his throat. What is he talking about? Did he figure me out and lead me to believe he was clueless? Is my face as red as it feels?! Ripping the helmet off his head and shoving it on the handle bar, he stared wide eyed at the boy. "No need to look so shocked, it's just a word. I've been told I'm very cute but I wasn't told you were so…" He searched for a word.

"I ain't" Kevin interrupted. _He's flirting? My plans can't fall apart this soon, Gimme a chance!_

"I am not." Double D corrected, placing his helmet on the seat of the bike. "It's such a vile contraction."

"But cute is like so overused." Kevin contemplated, strolling around and leaning on the bike in front of Edd, giving him a smile and thanking the night to hide his nerves "I'd use a-double- dorable or a-dork-able." _Kevin you're a devil~_ And Edd agreed, his mouth forming a half open smile and his hand quickly covering the teeth. He reached to pull his beanie down over his eyes but Kevin snatched his wrist and began dragging him towards the field. "So you've never been to a game before?"

"No." he gasped, shuffling along in the larger's wake.

"Course not, y' all 'bout science and shit." The jock said somewhat callously. "Bet you wanna be a doctor or that smart guy on Jeopardy."

"I must admit the medical profession did cross my mind, but I have a weak constitution when dealing with peoples… innards." He choked feeling a little green at the thought. "But there are numerous careers to pursue in the realm of science!"

"Eh? This stuff really makes you happy don't it?" Kevin asked, turning around to glance at the beaming face. Seeing that smile unhindered by a hand, made the jock's heart flutter inside his chest.

"Eddy makes fun of me for it, says if science was a woman I'd marry her." He gleamed, working his hand out of the other's grip only to latch onto his arm like an excited child. This was almost too much for Kevin's self control, his head bobbed down to peck him again but he shifted at the last second to his ear and whispered,

"Would it matter if science was a woman?" _DAMMIT! You dug yourself out of a hole already, don't get in another one!_ Edd's face fell, the cogs behind his forehead whirling. He released Kevin, to stand; arms crossed chewing the nail of his index finger, perplexed.

"If science was a man and was a willing homosexual, I suppose it wouldn't matter." He stated emphatically. "Although I don't have a gender preference." Looking back at Kevin with a kind smile, like he had answered a question that was troubling him. He might as well slapped Kevin, his face matched his hair with his jaws hanging slack.

"I feel the same 'bout the cheerleaders." He responded hoarsely, utterly confused. "Let's get seats." Grabbing his wrist again, Kevin dragged the content Edd into the stadium. Bright lights met them as the shambled through the ticket booth. Filled to the brim with people Kevin wasn't too sure where they had come from. We don't have enough students to fill a game let alone a stadium. No way these are locals. But he shrugged it off, refocusing on his plan. The bright green Astor-turf was filled with uniform clad muscle heads milling around waiting for the game to start. A smaller set of bleachers set behind the towering yellow goal posts was harboring the modest band. Above the consecution stands was a little booth set aside for the announcer, right across from the benches built along the hill to pass for bleachers.

They wadded through the throng of humans to the food stands, buying two bottles of cola and a carton of kettle corn. Edd insisted on paying his way and split the cost despite Kevin's gentlemanly protests. Rolling his eyes the dork, he led him to the bleachers, finding and open seats near the Peach Creek end zone. They were playing their rivals The Orange Forest Fritters. (Thanks FF for giving me Yaoi, but you sorely lack sports) The announcer piped up and quieted down the crowds, letting the teams enter with their cheer leaders. On the Peach Creek side Kevin made out a blonde head and a blue head bouncing among the unfamiliar faces of the team. Home team kicked off sending the football flying away from Kevin and Edd to the other end of the field. Football never captured Kevin's attention like Baseball so he only had a rudimentary understanding of the game (like most males) but Edd didn't have that. He kept jumping up and down in his seat, asking if that was good or if the players were ok. Even if the first half past relatively uneventful he was wound tighter than a five year old in a toy store. He's totally getting into it! Seeing Edd acting so child like instead of his usual dignified scholarly self was a treat for the red head.

"**OK kiddies!**" The announcer said over the tumult, but this was a different voice ghosting over the field. "**It's half and you know what that means! Band geeks and bouncy girls! Peach Creek will let Orange Forest go first since we're such good sports.**" The home team booed and jeered as the band made their way out, "**They will be playing Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen."** More boo's from the kids. Kevin had blocked them out trying to place the voice, he knew that voice. Edd was tapping his foot happily next the larger boy as the rival band commenced.

"I've never heard this song before!" He mused, smiling up a storm.

"How?" Kevin asked him forgetting about the announcer and beginning to laugh at Edd's innocence.

"I listen to classical music. It's relaxing."

"I swear Double Dork…" Kevin said now giggling hysterically. He reached up to scratch his head and Edd flinched. A second of shocked silence pasted between them. He flinched away from me…Kevin thought, absolutely ashamed of himself that he made Edd cower like that._ He thought I was going to hit… like when we were kids. I'm such a shit head._

"Forgive me Kevin…" He pleaded, his head bowed and one eye closed. "I merely assumed…" The larger boy cut him off by swinging an arm around his shoulders again pulling him into a side hug, resting his cheek against the beanie clad head and rubbing his thumb in circles over the crook of Edd's neck.

"I will never hit you again Eddward." He promised, using Double D's name. The jocks heart beat a tattoo against his rib cage, out of shame, of their closeness, of his urge to pull him on his lap and gently kiss away all his fears. The crowd clapped around them and Kevin jerked away, wonder why they were clapping for them, but the he remembered the band had finished.

"**That wasn't too bad Eh?**" The speaker approved, watching the Orange Forest band evacuate the field in pretense for Peach Creek's. "**But we have a little surprise for ya'll! It's mainly a surprise for my buddy for life and his new love interest though."** The crowd 'awed' the speaker's words, but they settled with the pair strangely

"NAT?!" Kevin screamed, rising out of his half embrace with Edd. Pulling out a case from the inner breast pocket of his letterman's jacket, he retrieved a pair of thick black glasses. Squinting through them to the window of the announcers booth at the teal head bobbing around erratically with in it. "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!?"

"You wear glasses?" Edd posed, gawking at the ginger, face tinted pink.

"Yeah, I'm a bit nearsighted" He confirmed, off put by Edd's expression. "Something wrong with that?"

"No! You just look… smart." Double D continued to ogle him like rare plant life.

_ "__**Now the Band learned this in a week so don't be too hard on 'em. Sing along if you know the words, I know I will. Lost at Sea by Zedd!" **__(HAHA that's right bitches.)_ "**I was a boat drifting out into sea" **Nat sang horribly off key, joined by fifty voices or so from the field. "**I had nothing but pieces of thoughts of the hope that you would see me" **

The band played rather well, a flub up here, wrong step there but still pretty damn good.

"**I was a stone's throw away from land but thousands and thousands of miles away from reaching your hand" **

Kevin began freaking out, he had a feeling that ever one knew who Nat was talking about when he said love interest. Since everyone did know Nat and Kevin where best friends for life.

"**The waves that crashed upon the rocks that you were trying to walk along and in my head I heard them play a song for you and me" **

_Irony!_Kevin's brain screamed.

"**The waves that crashed upon The rocks that you were trying to step along And in my head I heard them play a song For you and me Let's get lost at Sea Where they will never find us Got stars at night to guide us Lost at Sea Where they will never find us Got stars at night to guide us!" **Both sides erupted into applause, cheering the Peach Creek marching band off the field. Edd skipped around Kevin animatedly waving his arms around like he was on a parade float.

"By God that was amazing!" He squealed, latching on to his companion's arm. Kevin's glasses hung off his face, his brain fucked out his ears. If you had told him a week ago this would be where he was standing, he'd probably punch you. But truthfully, he loved it. _I don't if I should kill Nat or thank him._ The game recommenced but Kevin didn't even watch, he was enraptured by the boy next him. Fixing his spectacles, he caught sight of a blue head making her way over to the bleachers. _Marie? _Yep, Marie Kanker was stalking though the mob of people in a cheerleading uniform.

"Double Dork…" Kevin

Kevin poked him, bringing his attention to the blue headed girl coming towards them.

"My word…" He gulped, clutching at the leather sleeves of the other's jacket. "What should I do? I have no prior experience in dealing with angry women. Eddy would know how to get me out of this." Anger sparked inside Kevin at the mention of his childhood enemy. _Oh I'll show this dork who knows how to deal with piss women! As if that elf's gonna show me up tonight._

"Come with me." He contended, guiding the smaller one down the rows, behind people and to the stairs that curves back to the passage way under the metal structure in front of the hill. It was deserted, the cheers echoing eerily off the hillside and throughout the metal spider web that held the bodies up. "Get under the stands!" Kevin hissed, picking up a cheerleader skirt in the corner of his eye. He and Edd squeezed between the thick metal beam, a foot or two in they were pressed chest to chest but otherwise unseen. On either side of Edd's head, Kevin's hands were pressed on the smooth metallic surface. Edd's arms were scrunched in the middle, fingers splayed over the redhead's pecks. They panted, the limited space making it hard to breath and stared at anything expect each other. Feeling something jabbing his inner thigh, Kevin shifted to discover it was Edd's knee. His breath hitched, and he painfully rammed his elbow into the beam behind him.

"What's the problem Kevin?" Edd asked breathily, making the situation ten times worse.

"Do me a solid and try not to move too much."

"I wasn't planning on it. But why?"

"Your knee is sorta…" Kevin whispered, shutting his eyes tight. Edd glanced down and Kevin felt him blush it was that hard. Five awkward seconds passed and both boys where ridged but Double D could not longer contain his curiosity. Tentatively, he elevated his knee so it barely brushed the zipper of Kevin's jeans. The larger boy's eyes flew open showing the frantic jade surrounded by red red and more red. "_What are you doing_?!" He hissed, every muscle in his body trying to press its way through the beam behind him.

"Experimentation and Observation." Edd exhaled, repeating his action harder than before. Heat began pooling in the pit of Kevin's stomach, as if he was traveling downhill. Edd moved his knee higher, pressing little Kevin against the boxers.

"Double D stop!" Kevin groaned, letting his head fall onto Edd's shoulder. He didn't, he actually did it faster than before, all the while with an expression of fear and amazement. The front of the jocks jeans began getting very tight, throbbing from the building pressure. "If you don't cut it out I'm gonna kiss you!" There wasn't even a pause in the repetitive movement. He's evil! Kevin's self control was critically low…

"That's so hot." A female voice said mockingly from the tunnel. The boys broke apart, cracking their heads into each other and them on the metal beams. "Don't stop on my account."

"Fuck off Marie." Kevin grunted, prying away from Edd and back up the slot they had maneuvered through.

"I'm not gonna kill you or anything!" she harped defensively. "I actually came to apologize to Double D," smiling warmly over Kevin's shoulder at the red faced boy.

"For what?" he asked her, still shaken by what he was just doing to the jock.

"For terrorizing you, breaking your face and other things I must have done." Marie said, shunting Kevin to the side. "You know I was crazy in love with you for the longest time because you're just so sweet and brilliant and gentle." Edd blushed wildly at her words and Kevin growled in disapproval. "But I found someone who just a little more my speed."

"And who might that be?" Edd inquired, reaching for her hand like a concerned friend.

"They asked for me not to let. You might say I'm playing for another team." She confessed cryptically. It clicked in Kevin's mind and some of the tension left him. Damn Lesbian, I thought we were in trouble there for a minute.

"But you're a Peach Creek cheerleader; do you no longer wish to support the football team?" Edd questioned her innocently. The other two shot looks at each other before Marie burst into a fit of laughter and Kevin bowed his head, smiling like an idiot. "What? Did I miss something?"

"No Edd, you're just… too sweet for your own good." Marie snickered, clapping the kid on the back. "You've got work cut out for ya eh Kev?" Pecking the dork on the cheek quickly before waving cheerfully and making her exit.

"What are you working at?" Edd asked again turning to Kevin, even more confused than before.

"Getting blitzed…" He sighed rubbing his neck tiredly. "This has been a long night."

"Why were you going to kiss me?" He finally asked, coming back around to that episode. There was no way around it this time; he was going to have to come clean.

"Manors." He lied "wouldn't anybody do that to me without kissing 'em. Can't just be a wham bam thank you man." Edd nodded, a little less convinced than last time. In the silence, cheers erupted from the field. Sounds like peach creek won. Nat's voice cheered with the crowds only loader, yelling out scores and insults at the opposing team. "Tell you what, let's go find Nat, maybe Rave some of the other and go to dinner, buy some diner and forget you ever did that."

"Yes to the diner but no to forgetting." Double D whispered shyly grinning at Kevin. "Soon as I figure out what it meant, we will have words."

* * *

Next time: drinky drinky. I ain't gonna be around for a few weeks since I'll be visiting the our friends across the pond. I will attempt to plan the chapter, it'll be nice and long as a present to you guys.

I see all the followers following this story. No need to be shy, send me a review. Even if its mean, I'll just quote the bible at you in response.

Pervkatzchen out bitches.


	6. Chapter 6 Drinky Drinky

Disclaimer: despite my best efforts, I own nothing.

I know I know I suck! It's been three weeks yes but I didn't have internet for two of those so suck it. I had 17 reviews when I left and had 26 next time I checked. and thanks to you guys, kicking me back to work. Kevin's glasses... the mental imagery makes my inner woman swoon and the inner man laugh till he pees. Blame Broadway for distracting me, I can't write to _Book of Mormon._ But it wasn't porn this time so be very proud of me. Okay... what you've been waiting for I guess (although I don't know why). 

* * *

The entire school attempted to evacuate the stadium at once, filling up the exits with tired students just wanting to leave. Not one of them cast their eyes on the pair of boys walking in embarrassed silence but they refused to speak even if no one really gave a shit. (no matter how much it feels as if the worlds revolving around you) Kevin scanned the throng for the teal head he knew would be his savoir. Or the catalyst that's sets off a chain reaction that eventually leads to my demise. He thought bitterly before wondering where the hell he learned a word like 'catalyst' or 'demise'. _Oh I still have my glasses on. Double d seems to really like 'em. He's totally into me and he doesn't even understand, ain't that just too fucking cute_. Kevin told himself smugly, unaware the dork was no longer walking next to him but breaking away to speak with Rave, who was standing in the middle of a walk way, looking very pissed off. What's new?

"So did u-twos get a kick out of our little song?" A cheeky voice said from behind. Nat threw an arm around Kevin's shoulders, humming the tune under his breath.

"I'm still debating…" Kevin grunted, feeling his cheeks tighten with irritation.

"Oh come off it, I could see you two getting cozy in the bleachers cause unlike you I have 20-20 vision." He teased, tapping the bridge of his friend's glasses. Swatting the offending appendage away Kevin huffed (what he thought was) a witty reply.

"Well Edd likes 'em!" Nat's mouth formed an 'o', eyeing him like a prepubescent girl listening on her older sister's scandalous after school activates. He suddenly regretted letting any formation of words slip through stupid face.

"What did the dirty nerdy say?" Nat probed, bringing his shoulders up in anticipation.

"That they made me look smart…" He said, the back of his neck pricking with embarrassment.

"And Edd is all about the smart!" Nat cheered, happily grabbing his friend and latching on to him, feet off the ground. He hung from Kevin's frame like a monkey while the taller rolled his eyes and tried not to blush when people gave them strange looks. "Your woman even gets along with my woman!" Using his body weight to turn the larger boy 180 degrees he hopped to the ground, an arm still draped over his shoulder, Nat gestured to the two very feminine young men. Edd spoke animatedly to Rave who was actually smiling in return. "It's a match made in heaven my friend."

Feeling a little hot under the collar and deciding Nat was interfering too much in his love life, he called over to the lanky brunette. "Hey Rave! Nat's calling you his woman again!" Even from fifteen or so feet away, Kevin felt a wave of irritation pass trough him. For reasons that were lost to him, Nat really did love this high maintenance ball of hate with all his teenage heart. And even though he was hiding behind Kevin as Rave and Edd approached, Nat had shared some of Rave's real sweet moments. One Sunday Nat had woken up to a fully cooked breakfast, but Rave disguised his act of good with, "If I had waited for you to wake up, we'd be eating lunch, lazy fucker." Kevin witnessed more than one occasion where Rave waited till after baseball practice for Nat, which he argued, "You have a car, I don't and it's the middle of fucking spring. It won't kill me, now take me home you dense piece of shit."

"I've told you before; I am not your 'woman'. I don't have a vagina, asshole." Rave exclaimed, slapping Nat in the back of the head.

"I'd love you even if you did~" Nat cooed, rubbing the pain away. Flashing the actor a swoon worthy smile (making a few girls glance his way) Rave just crossed his arms, eyebrows draw down over his sharp brown sugar eyes.

"Kevin obviously has better taste in men than me." He snorted, causing the jock tense with worry. _No! Rave you faggot stop talking!_ Edd turned his sweetly innocent eyes to the redhead, the question forming on his face.

"You're a homosexual as well?" Kevin bit a hole in his lip. Nat's face went blank and Rave's eyes popped, realizing he might have done some unintentional meddling.

"No Double D! That the joke. Since I'm straight, I would have better taste men since I have no taste in them…" He trailed off, forcing up a giggle and practically smelling the suspicion coming off Edd. "Uh… well… so guys we were going to go to the Diner, the one past the candy store?" Basic layout of the neighbor hood: the famous cul-de-sac where the kids lived sat next to another one where a large complex of houses called Peach Creek estates had been built. In between were the playground and the lane, the favorite hang out places of the now young adults. Nat and Kevin had met across the sandbox during the summer of 6th grade and Rave had been found on one of the stages Eddy had built for a scam, performing 'Wonderful' from _Wicked_. Behind the houses was the tailor park and junkyard, surrounded by the sparse forest in which many a camping trip had been planned in. Not more than a block down the road was a plaza of small shops and restaurants, a working place of most of the kids' parents, and soon the kids themselves. If it wasn't for the cars and clothes the people wore it would look colonial, but hey it's home.

"Just us four?" Nat asked.

"Well I'm asking you two, but I won't keep the others from coming." Kevin shrugged.

"Good cause most of them already went." Rave informed them in a monotone. Without another word (except Kevin yelling "Oh shit!") he grabbed Double D's hand and they passed through the exit. They wadded through the darkness to the parking lot, stadium lights dimming and headlights driving away. Lucking for Kevin he was the only one in town with enough balls to drive a motorcycle around. Finding the bike with ease, he slipped Edd's helmet on for him and then his own. Straddling the seat, the air in Kevin's lungs went cold as Edd placed his arms around the jocks midriff , trying his hardest to prevent contact._ He's catching on… and he's not interested. He ain't the only guy, not like I loved the dork._ Revving the bike and suffering through Edd vibrating against him, breathing in the surgically clean smell of him, holding in the heat the thin body gave him, Kevin's eyes could barely stay open. _He's terrible. There no way I'm in love with this skinny little nerd. Right_?

* * *

No more than ten minutes later, Kevin cut the engine in the parking lot of the Ginger Dinner Diner, which might have guessed was owned by the Hill's or Ed and Sarah's parents. Ed's Dad changed the name from Matt and Linda's after his two red headed kids were born. Normally, being waited on and feed by Lumpy's parents might scare Kevin but most of them have been coming around since they were little. He had almost forgotten a bar was attached to the establishment, watching his dad become warm and jovial at a stool every other Saturday.

_ Hope they're out tonight…please… let them take tonight off_. He wished walking through the glass door into the dimly lit and heated room. Standard dark brown leather booths, dull metal chairs with red seats, and matching bar stools littered the tile floors. Many familiar faces claimed these chairs, eating, drinking and laughing. The droning sound of different TV's playing the same channel (ESPN) was only broken by fryers sizzling and the soda fountain pumping. Kevin's prayers were answered! There was no blonde head bounding from table to table taking orders nor was there a balding Ginger behind the bar laughing louder than anyone.

"Edd, let's sit at the bar." Kevin suggested, seeing who was preparing drinks. A short dirty blonde haired boy stood behind the counter, with a hooked nose and nearly white eye brows. His name was Peyton and he was Kevin's cousin. He graduated collage with a degree in business management and computer science, moved out to Peach Creek in hope of staring his own computer fix-em-up store. Settling for the bar tending gig at night and maintaining the school grounds during the day, he was an okay guy, had a bit of a hording problem but okay.

"Yo Peyton!" Kevin called squeezing in past Rolf's dad and sitting down with Edd.

"Yo Kev, dancin' with the devil tonight?" he asked, brandishing an empty glass.

"NO!" Edd exclaimed, eyes widening in horror. "I absolutely forbid it! I do not condone underage drinking! It severely damages a growing body not to mention destroys brain cells which you are not in a surplus of!" He slammed a dainty hand on the bar, recoiling slightly in pain.

"Did he just call me stupid?" Kevin inquired of his cousin. Peyton shrugged but then a similar glinting smile unfolded on his lips.

"This your date?"

"NO! Double d is NOT MY DATE!" He spat, feeling Rolf's dad shift away from him and sweat begin to trickle down his temples. "Now send some Capitan Jack my way or I will get it myself!" Kevin was getting very close to hitting someone, the room was uncomfortably hot, the people stares were staring to wear on him and the subtle rejection on Edd's part did him no good. The stout glass was placed in front of him and he downed it in one swig. It was refilled.

"Order something dork. It's my treat." Kevin breathed, already loosening under the influence. Edd glanced down his nose at Kevin, eyebrow arched in disapproval. "Don't look at me like that, in Europe you can drink at sixteen."

"Using logic won't work on me, even if you still have the glasses on. Just because others do something wrong doesn't make it right." He whispered, his hands in his lap.

"Look you don't have to get booze, you could get lemonade or something." As he said it, a glass was placed in front of Edd, filled with pink liquid.

"Here you are doll, pink lemonade. On the house." Peyton gave Double D a wink and walked away before he could protest. But before passing Kevin he slipped a napkin into his empty glass. He pulled it out and read the hand written message. _Its one part Malibu rum, or your new friend the pink pantie dropper. _

"What's that?" Edd asked, holding the glass with both hands and bringing it up to his lips. _Should I tell him? _He thought better of it as Double D drank deeply, not sputtering or gagging.

"Nothing, just a picture of a bird." He grunted, crumpling the napkin and tossing it in a dust bin.

"Oh, does Peyton practice animation?" Edd hummed, his cheeks already turning a light pink. He smiled to himself, taking another large sip.

"Uh no, just a crappy little doodle."

"Ed likes to draw. Did you know he sketched out an entire comic about Johnny's childhood super hero Melon head? I was most impressed by the skill and time he put into the project. He usually can't endorse more than fifteen minutes on anything." Beaming at his empty glass, Edd giggled.

"Johnny was the weirdest kid, and I swear his head ate things." Kevin hiccupped, leaning closer to Double D, not giving a shit if he didn't like it or not. "Would you even guess he and Jimmy are…?" He whistled and made an obscene gesture with his hands.

"Now come on, Jimmy is a freshman, Johnny wouldn't force him into anything but unless Jimmy reached sexual maturity earlier than the rest of us." He waved Peyton over for a refill, grinning almost provocatively.

"Well did you know Nazz wants to be a lawyer?" Kevin countered, trying to out gossip Double D.

"That sounds like the plot to _Legally Blonde."_ He commented. "Did you know the Kanckers once robbed the gas station down the road?"

"Swiping cigarettes again?" Kevin inquired wistfully sipping away. "Ever figure out Johnny's parents are swingers?"

"That's repulsive, no wonder Johnny has a loosey goosey approach towards relationships. Speaking about relationships, bet you didn't know about Rolf and Sarah."

"Wait what?!" Kevin sputtered, dribbling whiskey down his chin.

"Yep. Rolf and Sarah." He repeated watching the pink liquid, barely noticing the rum flowing. "They're in that cute, I like you, I like you too but neither of us will say so."

"Aw… kinda like us." Kevin said, and ice cube melting in his cheek.

"What?" Edd questioned, not partially interested in what he said.

"Like. Us." He annunciated, spacing each word so the dork could hear him. _Might as well, say it loud and say it proud or don't say it at all._

"Yeah, a bit like us." Double D confessed unabashed by the implications. _God bless alcohol! _

* * *

"Kevin. Kevin. Kevin"

"Wha'?"

"You know who remind me of?"

"Who?"

"Kevin Costner." Edd said proudly, both hands on the other's shoulder. "But wider jaw and a ginger. Not just because he played baseball in Bull Durham. Hey hey hey… what position do you play?"

"First base." He gloated, looking over his glasses into the swimmable eyes. They were framed with the black locks that were slipping out from under the ski cap. Both of them were very buzzed by now, an hour and a half later. Nat and Rave had shown up, both very cold and irriated but now, just like the nerd and jock, were warming up most effectively.

"I bet that attracts alotta girls!" Edd giggled, slurring his perfect grammar shamelessly.

"What girls? Nazz and Marie are Lesbos. May is with Ed. Lee is with Eddy. Sarah is with Rolf. Did I miss anyone?" Kevin grunted bitterly, drawing a smiley face on the bar with the condensation.

"Jimmy and Johnny. Nat and Rave. Plank even found someone." Edd rattled off.

"Oh yeah, who?" Kevin scoffed, disbelievingly.

"I don't know. Jim told me though." He said matter-o-factly

"The short green haired kid? Didn't he graduate this year?"

"Yes but he visits me frequently. Apparently Plank was dating someone from his class."

"But Jim was the only senior…" Kevin realized, grabbing a hold of Edd's face and forcing him to look at Kevin.

"So Plank is gay too?" Edd asked, sounding almost upset. "Why are there so many of us! It narrows the field so bad!"

"But we're still free." Kevin pointed out slyly, threading his fingers through the silky black hair he'd come to love.

"That aside," Double D giggled, cupping his hands over Kevin's. "If you had to pick a type of girl, what would she be?" Kevin pulled back, a pensive expression on his face, as if he was thinking really hard about that one.

"English girls." He stated confidently, leaning back so he was face to face with Edd. "Dark haired, smart, messed up teeth. Just imagine what a blow job with all those ridges would feel like." Having a little clearer of a head, Kevin flirted audaciously with the completely blitzed Double D. "How 'bout you?"

"I've always had a thing for red heads. Scarlett Johansson, Emma Stone… uh… Molly Ringwald." he conveyed, uncaring where his words might take him.

"And don't forget your love of chicks with power!" Eddy laughed, coming up behind Edd and throwing his arms around the smallers neck. A shit eating grin was plastered on his face and a bottle of Amber Yuengling in his hand. "He might never admit it, but Sockhead would love a girl who could rape him. A perfect submissive."

"I am not, you horny gnome!" Double D shouted, flapping his hands at Eddy to remove him from his persons.

"Kev, he really likes it when you bite his ears." Eddy hinted, nipping at Edd's earlobes. Fed up with his friend, Double D grabbed one of Eddy's fingers and bent it back as far as it would go without breaking. Yelping in pain Eddy withdrew, sucking his knuckle as if he had been stung.

"That is completely false! I can engage in a perfectly normal hetero relationship without the addition of a power transfer and be…. Happy…" He started giggling hard into his hand and soon it evolved into a full on guffaw. "Forgive me… I can't say that with… a straight face…"

"Whatever you whacko, Imma go check on Ed to make sure he ain't doing it with May in the booth." And with that he skulked back in the unfocused depths of the restaurant.

"Why does that dipshit know so much about your type?" Kevin asked heatedly.

"For fear hyperbole, he has been best friend since birth." Dropping his chin into his palm, Edd broke an ice cube in two with his teeth. "And my first kiss."

"Yeah but I made him do that!" Kevin bellowed indignantly, falling shoulder to shoulder with the dork.

"So it might have been an outward expression of an unresolved psychological obsession with me. Channeling unwanted prepubescent homosexual desires by proxy." Edd stated emphatically. _It's just like Double dork to use big words when he's blitzed. Damn him. _

" Well maybe now they aren't 'unwanted' or 'by proxy'." He huffed, tugging Edd's stool closer to him. Swinging his leg around the boy, he straddled the metal frame and slipped one hand back to the nape of the dork's neck. While the jade fluttered half close the cyan widened to show off the whites. Their lips moved together timidly, closing the distance deliberately. When the sensitive pink skin met its counterpart it was as if a circuit was completed, sending shiver educing sparks down each other's spines. It was like hot water was rushing into Kevin's stomach, warming every cell in his body to bursting point. His heart pounded against his ear drums like Neil Peart during YYZ. He didn't risk sliding his tongue out to caress the soft, almost girlish, lips Edd had. _Virgin lips, only been touched once before mine, absolutely pure, inexperienced and just begging to be defiled. Challenge expected._

* * *

Sunlight danced through a single tattered curtain, casting shadows across the two bodies lying prone on a twin mattress. The freckled shoulders shifted before the slight pale ones, stretching out before pain shot down his back and his eyes flew open, expecting an attacker. _Where the hell am I? _He wondered, _why does my back hurt? Why am I naked? Who the hell is this? _Looking down at the barely covered hips of what appeared to be a petite girl; Kevin tried to sit up, fighting the dull ache in his back and the searing pain behind his eyes. He was in a sparsely furnished single wooden room. A telescope sat in one corner, notebooks and star charts neatly stacked next to it. There was no carpet or wallpaper, not even any other furniture except for a chair placed next to the window.

A faint whistle penetrated Kevin's thought process. It was slow and steady, like a heart beat or breathing. I was coming from the girl sleeping peacefully next to him, who was also very much naked. Every time she exhaled, she whistled. _That's kinda cute, but something is missing. She's very… flat. _The girl's short black hair feathered out on the pillow like a raven's tail. _That whistling sorta sounds like she's breathing through…_ _a gap. _ Kevin's hangover brain final put the pieces together.

"Oh boy…"

* * *

I'm horrible, I know but I spent a good 8 hours on this... cause I'm slow. A lot of 80's references and for all of you who get the Quantum Leap reference, you get sex coupons to use on you filthy lover of the night. I didn't skip over the sex scene so don't get your panties in a twist. Lick your grandmother and whatnot. Review.

Pervkatzchen out bitches.


	7. Chapter 7 Most Awkward Sex Ever

Disclaimer: Not mine!

This is the saucy chapter so don't like flame at me or I will get medieval on your asses. It might suck. I don't know. I can't even, I have lost the ability to even... it actually was part a crack dream, Double D shaved his head and the was a talking bed who had some hot stories. My ability to suck can so I'm sorry but I was waging war against my English Prof. cause she was trying kill our souls by making us read Puritan litterateur. Sorry again about the Broadway... it worked its way in.

* * *

_OH BOY… Oh boy oh boy… that's a boy, oh boy it's a boy. Edd is in bed with me, naked in a bed with me. _Kevin sat motionless on the mattress, staring at the limp body and drawing a blank as to how he got there. _I don't even know how I got here! Where the fuck is here!? _Being too afraid to shift out of bed and risk waking the other male to find out where they had camped out, Kevin laid back down. _Ok Kev, calm down. This just means you finally achieved your week's goal and now I'll have lovely Double D tail for the rest of my life. So can I… spoon with him? Is that what you do with your first?_ _DID I LOSE MY VRGINTY YESTERDAY?! Sweet…_

Elated by the idea of losing his v-card at seventeen, he rolled onto his side throwing an arm around the small boy. Double D's heals rubbed against the bottom of Kevin's shin, his head falling perfectly in the crook for the ginger's neck. A small hum of pleaser escaped the both of them as skin came in contact with skin, the thin sheet proved little to no barrier as Kevin's junk brushed against the curve of Edd's back. He was still asleep (although Kevin would like to think he wasn't) when Edd stretched back, pressing his shoulders to Kevin's chest. The larger hummed again, tightening his hold on the dork. Even in his post- slumber coma Edd knew that was not the feeling he should be feeling first thing in the morning.

"I shall ask one question and one question only…" He whispered voice hoarse from hours of disuse. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!" He squealed, yanking the sheet off Kevin's indecent body to wrap him in a cocoon. Kevin yelped (in a manly fashion), removing himself from the bed and crashing to the wood floor, dramatically covering his… little friend with his hands. "Ow… ow… why does the sunlight hurt my ears…?" Edd moaned from his nest. "Was I inebriated last night? A feeling of general misery, headache, drowsiness, dry mouth, dizziness, gastro-intestinal complaints, sweating, nausea, hyper-excitability and anxiety. Acetaldehyde accumulation, changes in the cytokine and glucose metabolism, dehydration, metabolic acidosis, disturbed prostaglandin synthesis, increased cardiac output, vasodilatation, sleep deprivation and malnutrition. Am I experiencing veisalgia?"

"How can you talk like that when you're hung-over Double Dork?" Kevin asked in amazement, enough to forget momentarily his nudity.

"THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!" He screamed again before groaning in agony.

"First time drinking?" Kevin saw the boy nod gently. "Well it's something to get out of the way before you turn eighteen."

"I AM EIGHTTEEN! Ow… Kevin…" He whined into the covers, "Make the sun shut up…"

"Wait a fucking minute! You're eighteen?!" Kevin yelped again, sitting up on the floor and ignoring the pain in his back.

"I'm the oldest one in the Cul-de-sac. A legal adult technically." There was a pause, and Edd sat up still enclosed in the sheet, slightly horrified expression. "Kevin… did we do what I assume we did?"

"What? Sex? Maybe but I don't remember, sorry Edd." He admitted sheepishly, shifting his legs together more.

"And you are seventeen?"

"I'll be eighteen in the spring."

"If we engaged in sexual intercourse… that would mean I committed statutory rape! I had sex with a minor! OH THE HUMANITY!" He flopped back down, hiding from his own morals.

"Edd I don't think you did the raping~" Kevin gloated, stroking his ego (among other things).

"Well there would be an easy way to determine who in fact was the submissive, if copulation did indeed occur. The one who 'bottomed' would experience intense lower back pain, especially if it was their first time." Kevin visibly paled; his head went from hung-over swimming to drowning in a lake.

"W-what?" He asked, mouth filling with his dried out tongue.

"I'm not encountering any pain except this awful headache. Does your L1 through L5 vertebra feel displaced? Can you stand?" Edd inquired, looking adorably concerned.

"My hips feel sore… I'll try getting up." Kevin attempted to get one leg underneath his body to lift it up but crashed back to the ground as a pain treaded strings of fire around his pelvis and up his spinal column. "NOPE." He grunted, splayed out on the floor, not giving a shit if he was naked or not.

"Um… Kevin… I seem to have a excellent view of your… posterior." He babbled, heat radiating from him like a toaster oven.

"Drink it in Double Dork…" _I bottomed for the second most feminine male on the planet, and I can't even remember it… my life is shit. I swear to god I'll jump out the window._ "That reminds me… where are we?"

"The old Club Ed tree house…" He said, forlorn and embarrassed. "Ed and Eddy fixed it up for our graduation from middle school."

"Why is there a telescope in the corner?"

"Well forgive me for trying to chart the stars in my time off! I find them romantic…" Edd snapped, rising from the mattress in a huff. Kevin covered himself quickly as Edd strode across the room to look out the window and reach out of it, grasping at something. "I shall conclude it rained on our way home last night since our clothes were hung out to dry. And your motorcycle is parked in the street without a scratch on it. Now please cover yourself."

_Is Edd upset? Why? Did I do something wrong? _Throwing Kevin his clothes a bit too angrily, he sighed and pulled on his underwear while still wrapped in the sheet. The cloth dropped to the floor as he tugged as jersey over his head, the over-large see through fabric barely hiding the thin body underneath. _Wow…_ Kevin quickly stuffed his head through the head hole of a much smaller turtle-neck than he was used to.

"I think we got them mixed up…" Kevin said carefully, pulling up the boxers to his hips left exposed by the skin tight shirt. After years of pain tolerance built up from bike wrecks, baseball injuries and scams-gone-wrong, Kevin stood up and limped over to Edd. As he got closer, he noticed in Edd's hair his glasses were perched there like a head band. "Those mine?" He asked sweetly, reaching up to pull them out. When the jet black hairs shifted Kevin _spotted a purplish blotch on his scalp. Panicking, thinking it might be bruise, he grabbed the boy by the neck and held him still while he parted the locks to look. _

_"Excuse me!" Edd shrieked, latching onto Kevin's arm like a tree branch that was saving him from quicksand. _"What in the name of the Noble Peace Prize are you doing!?"

"There's something on your head dork, now stand still!" Kevin ordered, pawing through the boy's hair like a gorilla. But Edd struggled even harder, squeaking out in resistance. Finally, Kevin captured him in a head lock and used the free hand to continue his search. Knowing full well that he could no longer escape, double d huffed a few more times, arms falling limp at his sides.

Under the mass of raven hair, Kevin found a block, no bigger than a barcode on the pure white scalp. It was too perfect to be a bruise, sides too straight and in line. Purple in color, as if it was originally black but faded after sometime. _It was a tattoo..._ barely discernible, but still inked into the skin. Squinting at the blob, he made out the letters KEVEDD?_ Why is Nat's middle name inked on the dork's head?_

"Hey Eddward... what exactly is this?" He asked, dumbstruck (and slightly turned on) by the thought of Edd with a tattoo.

"Now Kevin, you're a bright boy, I have faith you can figure it out." He replied sarcastically. Giving him another squeeze, Edd's face turned red from the pressure of Kevin's arm_. I didn't what to have to do this dork but you sassed back one too many times._

"Oops, sorry. Can't always control these massive rock hard biceps." Kevin sneered, the childhood bully in him leaking out. "Just answer the question so I don't have to pound ya."

"Seems our truce didn't last the test of time. Where is that promise to never hit me again? It's perfectly understandable, Eddy was spot on, and I should have stayed away from you!" He tore away from the larger boy with everything he had, turning on the spot, angry tears in his eyes and clutching the hem of the jersey. _Retreat! Retreat! You fucked up again and now he's crying you fucker! Do something! The embodiment of all things pure and wonderful is crying!_

"Double D I'm really sorry! I just have a short fuse ya know? When I care I guess I can't talk right!" Kevin babbled, stepping forward to tenderly take hold of Edd's shoulders.

"Do you truthfully want to know because you care or shall it be used as ammunition against me when the week restarts?" He murmured hoarsely, staring holes through Kevin and his big bad Jock talk as if they were toilet paper.

"I want to know everything about you, even more than Eddy. So that I can understand you and… care for you better." Kevin finished awkwardly. Earning a very wet smile from Double D, he pulled the nerd into a hug, wishing he could just eat up the boy.

"When I was an infant, my aunt visited our family home in north Carolina to meet her nephew." Edd mumbled into the crook of Kevin's neck. "Upon seeing me, she had one of her famous psychic revelations and abducted me for two days. She has Schizophrenia, and was lead to believe by the voices she hears on a daily basis that she is psychic. While in her custody she proceeded to inject black ink in the dermis of my scalp claiming this word would hold significance in my love life. We moved here shortly after for multiple reasons I can barely remember and that is how I came to wear the hat until my hair grew in."

"…" The ginger was speechless. _I thought I had fucked up family! Can you say plot twist? What kind of cracked out fangirl came up with this? Bet his Aunt was a total yaoi addict. Not like. I, Kevin, heterosexual wonderboy, knows what yaoi is… _

"Kevin?" Edd inquired, looking up at him, eyebrows askew.

"Yeah…?"

"Are you okay?"

"Maybe…" Swallowing the dryness in his throat, Kevin's brain clicked two words together that seemed to evade Edd's brain for eighteen genius years. "It's K-E-V-E-D-D tattooed on your head right?" Double D nodded, his lips pulled in a slight smile, showing off his gap. "K- E-V as in Kevin and E-D-D as in Eddward? Kevedd like as in Brangelina or Kimye? OUR NAMES COMBINED IS TATTOOED ON YOUR HEAD?!"

"YES!" He snapped back before realizing what that _really _meant and then blushed to the roots of his hair. "B-b-but th-*whistle*-at wo-would m-mean sh-*whistle*-he…."

"Indeed my dirty nerdy~" Kevin cooed, running the tips of his fingers down the dainty back. "It's like… GerIta or Mori and Honey."

"What…?!" He squealed after finding no meaning in the previous words.

"Nothing you need to worry long about." He reassured the boy. Attempting to silence his concerns and because he couldn't keep from doing it any longer, Kevin pecked him on the lips. When he pulled back the cyan eyes were half lidded and nothing but inviting. "I kissed you in the nurses because you were too beautiful not to."

"Kevin…" Edd was kissed again, harder and less inhibited by Kevin's self control. Sliding the long calloused fingers through his feathery black hair, cradling his head like a Faberge Easter Egg, Kevin pulled him closer as if trying to encase the boy in his own body.

"How did I not see you for what you were? After all those years across the street, never once did I see you." Kevin breathed, unable to stop the flow of words.

"Ever heard of the girl next door?" Double D croaked, letting slip a single giggle. They brought their lips together again, meshing them like clay and craning to achieve more contact. Strangely enough, it was Edd's tongue that flicked out to tap Kevin's front tooth. He hungrily opened up and sucked in the slimy muscle. Ignoring a humans need to breathe, Kevin pushed Edd's tongue around his mouth, guiding the boy and sliding his underneath to run over the bottom gum. They both let a shaky breath into each other's mouth, only emphasizing the overpowering lack air. Windswept and numbed by overuse of nerves they gazed with longing, a passionate green locked with a needy blue.

"_EVERY WHERE I GO THE BITCHES ALWAYS KNOW CHARLIE SHEEN HAS GOT A WEENIE THAT HE LOVES TO SHOW…"_

"Shit!" Kevin barked, snapping out of his love haze to answer his phone (which was cock blocking on at epic degree). Digging in the pocket of his Lettermen's jacket, he tapped the screen to see 'Theater Queer' and a picture of Rave half transformed into Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors popped up. "This better be good!"

"Come get this fucking ASSHAT out of my house!" Rave cried through the phone.

"Who?" Kevin posed, already knowing who it was by the singing in the background. "Is he singing Annie?"

"I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here…" Rave hissed, his waves of distain and rage flowing out of the speaker. "I don't even remember how the fuck Nat got here. But you, dick for brains, will come and take him away."

"Why don't you take care of it yourself?" He asked, boredom seeping from his face.

"I can barely fucking walk, let along kick his ass out." Rave snapped then responding angrily to Kevin's unsurprised snickers. "Oh piss off you one nut cunt."

"Insulting me won't get me there any faster." Kevin yawned and could literally see a vein pulse in his temple. "Maybe if you weren't a professional cock block, I'd get on it but no, I have better people to redo."

"Finally got to fuck that perfect little angel? Good for you, now come retrieve the bane of my existence and remove it from my home."

"Let my talk to Nat." Kevin proposed, shrugging to himself and feeling Double D's effect on him. He heard a rustle on the line, a shout, a few profanities and wet noise. _Some things don't ever change._

"Sup dude." Nat greeted his male counterpart. "For as much as Rave drinks, he can't hold his liquor."

"You two do it last night?"

"I was just buzzed enough to get crazy but not enough to forget and plowed the drunk into the bed. As per usual." He gloated, flashing a smile to the Rave that was standing next to him and yelped when he got slapped. "How 'bout you and Double Dirty? You got pretty smashed and after that fall…"

"Fall? What fall? I fell" Kevin gasped, scaring the patiently waiting dork.

"You were standing on your barstool and almost broke you spine on the bar, knocking the bartender over and breaking alotta shit. Edd and I helped you walk outta there."

"OH THANK GOD I DIDN"T BOTTOM!" Kevin cheered, punching the air.

"Really? Edd couldn't top for Jimmy. Yeah dude, we got you out of the rain and into the tree house, because your parents were still awake, Rave and I headed through the park, which was scary as fuck by the way, and to our apartment building so I just followed him to his room."

"I love ya man but I gotta go and prove a schizophrenic right!" He erupted in good spirits, hanging up on him and throwing the phone to the floor (praying his drop proof Otterbox worked).

"What was all that about?" Edd chuckled as Kevin caught him in hug.

"You didn't rape anybody and I haven't completely destroyed my sexual mojo." Shoving him a bit harder than he meant, Kevin shunted Edd back on to the mattress. He climbed over top of him, pinning him down by the over sized jersey. "Say the word and I'll give you all that I've been holding back." Double D stared back at Kevin, the cogs turning furiously in his head and eyes fearful but wanting.

"Kevin…" He said an edge to his voice. "My parents are extremely religious."

"And you agree with all that?" Kevin asked, feeling like he hit a road (cock) block.

"No, I personally think organized religion is simply an effort to control the masses and profit from some people's almost fanatic interest in the afterlife. But I feel like I'm disobeying mother and father by… uh… falling in love with you." He confessed bashfully, pressing his tongue to his gap.

"Oh God Edd…" Kevin shivered, holding back his basic urges. "Is this something you want? Will it make you happy?"

"Well yes it would."

"Then you do whatever makes you happy and I'll follow you blindly. Your parents will always love you and if that's not enough so will I." He said guardedly, leaning back to give Edd room. "You wouldn't be the only one disobeying."

" oHy…I could stand to gain from a little rebellion." Edd keened, his arms shooting around the larger's neck and pulling him back down. "Oh F-Fuck it!" Before Kevin could start laughing at him, Edd kissed him fiercely. A pair of legs wrapped themselves around the gingers waist, pulling him further down on top of Double D. _If you insist dork~ _

"Fuck what?" Kevin mocked, rolling his hips into the other boy's, creating delicious friction. Through the boxer shorts, he could already feel something growing and moaned past his teeth. Edd seemed to be struggling to, biting down on his lip and throwing his head back into the pillow. Loving to see that flush, hear that whining, and induce such pleasure, Kevin rocked against Edd more intensely than before.

"Nyha…" He whined again, clenching his leg muscles in a desperate stab at controlling his issue down stairs. Baring down on his hips again, the temperature in the room spiked, breaths came in huffs and even the loose fitting boxers become uncomfortably tight. Kevin ran his lips along the dork's jaw line coming to his ear lode. _Might as well, if he likes it, do it._ Slipping his tongue behind the flap of skin and scrapping the front with his teeth. Then he sucked the whole lobe into his mouth, earning a whimper.

He traveled down farther, trailing saliva down Edd's throat, pausing a moment to suck the Adams apple and then to the space between his nonexistent pecks. Tugging the collar of the jersey to one side, it gave him enough access to get his mouth around a nipple. He twirled the pecking thing around and around and around and… then bit it. Edd squeaked as the nipple turned an angry red, blood vessels breaking under the skin. Kevin sucked it better, releasing it with a load popping sound.

"Sorry…"Kevin apologized, beginning his work on the other bud of flesh.

"No… it was…"He hummed through Kevin's nibbling. Glancing over the pale chest up at the flushed face, _Don't tell me… _Kevin thought, biting the nip again and feeling Edd shiver under him._ Dorky likes it hard. I can oblige. _From his horizontal position, Kevin lifted up just his lower half then slammed himself back into the smaller's clothed crotch. Short nails embedded themselves in Kevin's shoulders and Edd's eyes rolled back in his head. Rotating his pelvis in a circular hula hoop motion between Edd's legs, the ginger pulled at the nerds bottom lips with his teeth before slamming his covered entrance again.

"ME!" Edd squeaked balling his fists against the tight white fabric covering the ginger's back.

"…wha…?" He asked in a haze.

"Me! Fuck me! I am requesting that the thing you fuck is me! Mother and Father will get over it!" Edd pleaded, urgently tugging at the turtle neck Kevin wore and attacking his jaw line with light kisses. Heaving himself up right, Edd tangled his arms around his neck so tightly he could run his fingers through the ginger bristles. Kevin's heart jumped up to cut off his breathing and his dick almost ripped out of his boxers. _Smart boys…underneath the clothes and glasses is a sexy god. So unfair!_ But he didn't dwell to long on it; instead his hands slithered under the see through knit to covet the unbelievably smooth expanse of skin. Heat radiated off the flawless flesh, begging to be covered in hickies and bite marks. Kevin became impatient. He ripped the shirt off his boy; hearing seems ripping as he tossed it aside. Prior to tearing off his own, Kevin sank his teeth into the slender muscle connecting the neck and shoulder, hard enough to bruise but not to draw blood. Edd's lusty moans echoed in Kevin's ears, in sighting him to suck the mark until it a bloody purple.

The turtle neck was ripped off Kevin by Double D, who stroked the firm pecks letting his fingers roll over the erect nipples and down the impressive set of abs which Edd could grate cheese on. Puberty had been as good at making Kevin masculine as it had been at making Double D feminine. Where Kevin had defined abs, Edd had soft tummy that was completely smooth. He played with the auburn hair that poked above the waistband of Kevin's camouflage boxers and trailed up to his belly button. Watching Edd stare at him, with that 'mouth slightly open, eyes slightly closed' face, set the testosterone flowing. _Time to man up and penetrate some shit! Or woman up get on your knees,_ he thought, having the most evil idea.

Gently pushing Edd back down to the mattress, he took hold of his boys butt cheeks, keeping his hips up. Moving his whole body down so his mouth was at level with the button on his underwear, Kevin put his mouth to the clothed member. As Kevin licked away, the clean but unmistakable taste of Edd coming to the surface, the dork made noises in the back of his throat and wiggled erratically. To prevent getting pounded in the face, he gripped the skinny hip bones protruding above the waist band and dug his nails in. He sucked the tip of the tent, marveling in how the thing seemed to quiver as much as his partner did. May it be male intuition or just his short attention span, Kevin decided Edd wasn't getting any harder. So, with mischief on his side, he promptly yanked down the last article of clothing and bobbed down the swinging cylinder, taking the entire (and much larger than he expected) member into his mouth. The sudden change in speed, heat and all, Edd came hard in Kevin's mouth without warning, almost wailing at the unsurpassed ecstasy of ejaculation. Never in his life would Kevin list, 'cum shot to the face' as a high point of the day.

"Oh Kevin, my apologies…" Edd panted, wiping a few white drops of the other's chin. "But I had no prior frame of reference to gage when that would occur…"

Pushing himself up on his elbows, Kevin looked at Edd, eyes angry but not being his intent. "So you're telling me that was your first time ever actually… cumming" He said with an awkward hand wave.

"Yes…like I stated before… my parents are strict on those accepts of my home life."

"Then know way in hell am I gone with you yet, we have eighteen years of left hand bonding to make up for. It's not like you ain't dude enough to jerk off once in awhile." He said bashfully. The now fully exposed penis shook with the ever present need, and was a respectable size. Not the dick you'd expect on a skinny white kid, no Ron Jeremy but mind you I wouldn't want the perverse limb anywhere near me.

"Oh…" Edd blushed, eyes flicking to the ceiling. "I didn't acquire the nickname Double D for nothing." If one of them hadn't yet had a brain aneurism, Kevin just might have.

"SO I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU THAT FOR YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING THIS…?!" He spazed, dropping his forehead to the lower half of Edd's tummy. _Didn't Eddy start calling him that?! Please tell me that it was just a huge fucking coincidence! Oh god… oh god oh god! That was a really awkward break in the mood… what to do, what to do? _

"K-kevin…" Edd stuttered, unable to completely express his uneasiness with the 'painful' change in atmosphere. Jade green lasers shot over Edd's stomach, effectively shutting him up. With a stare that could start forest fires, Kevin dipped his tongue into Edd's belly button. Trailing down, he nipped at the hip bones, blowing hot air over the sensitive skin and moved past the obvious place to go. Silence pulled at the boys, to the point of rage at the sexual frustration suddenly refilling them after the small hiccup. Ghosting his fingers over Double D's thighs, Kevin took the boys legs and hooked his on his shoulders. He put two fingers in his mouth and swirled saliva over them, along with left over semen he was too afraid to swallow.

Tantalizingly slow, Kevin swirled, looking Edd dead in the face. Pink lips hanging open, black hair tousled and blue eyes surrounded by bright blushing red, Edd looked illegally fuckable. Self control withering like a boner at an old folks home, Kevin removed his fingers from his mouth and repositioned them at Edd's… entrance. Leading with his middle figure (for symbolism) he pushed through the ring of muscle cautiously.

Mewling and keening, Edd squirmed in discomfort, unsure if he should be enjoying this as much as he did. Merely the notion of Kevin inside him set his heart a flutter. Now knuckle deep in Edd, Kevin pushed his index finger up next to the middle, marveling at the suction he felt. _Virgin tight…_he giggled to himself. Pantomiming the use of scissors in the anus of his boy, their heads spun. Brains totally cooked with sexual heat, Kevin withdrew his hand and held it up to Edd's mouth telling him simply to "Spit". And he did, dazed and unashamed. Kevin applied the spit to his penis, mixing it with his leaking pre-ejaculate as an improvised lubricate.

Taking his place at the opening, he gripped Edd's hips and trust deftly inside. Tight than any girl, no matter how young, (bit creepy Kev…) this was unimaginable and worth every horrible name he might get called. It wasn't just mind-blowing pleasure but a confirmation of love on the most basic and sensual level. Vacating the warmth slightly, he pulled back then slammed his hips into the pale bubble that was Edd's ass. He moaned as the larger boy went in deeper, strangely filling him up. He repeated the needy trust, Kevin's actions becoming faster and more paced. He knew it won't be long, but made sure to get in as many slams before exploding. The pace of sex, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, timed like metronome and the pelvis surging back and forth like waves in fast forward. Neither of them really knew what was happening, they were in such a have but they knew it felt fucking good!

Kevin's thumbs would leave bruises on the skin and Edd would leave claw marks but when a trust met with a bundle of nerves deep within Edd… A high pitched scream hit the air like a slap to the ass. Every muscle tightened, the ring strangled the dick inside him as Edd came against his stomach and Kevin followed in stride. He emptied his… white juice in the nerd, eyes rolling back, the breath getting knocked out of him and bells ringing in his ears. They panted, pulses slowing, and eyes blurring with exhaustion and the onslaught of forgotten hangovers. Pulling out of his dirty nerdy, Kevin took the limp legs down and watched the boy wiggle in his emptiness. Edd was unconscious, like a five year old in his car seat after a day a Cedar Point.

_I love this guy, this kid, this…dork. _Was Kevin's last thought before slumping over and falling asleep next to his boy.

* * *

I thought the tattoo was cool in a sorta... Fan girls with the Tardis way. I've never written penetrative sex before, I watched a lot porn for you people as research, so did Kevin but that's beside the point... or inside the point. Either way this was the sex. One-ish more chapters. Also special thanks to... really every one who reviewed. I know you speak the truth.

PervKatzchen out bitches.


	8. Chapter 8 Two perspectives of stupid

Disclaimer: I suck.

No I really have no excuse for not getting this in earlier. Simply put... I LOST MY MUSE! That person that provides the drive to write because they inspire you or just piss you off enough to want to beat the pulp out of their accomplishments, has left me. For a woman no doubt. It's just weird to look for that spark again, especially since it came so easily for so long. But whatever ya know? Focus. Is. Key. Succumbing to emotions is for the weak.

* * *

Monday…

Monday…

Monday…

Why in the Fuck did I skip Sunday? Well because it was that awkward "Is he gonna call me? Where is this heading? Is he my boyfriend now?" day where… that's just too much awkward for me. No wait… that sounds adorable. Let's talk about Sunday.

Sunday…

Sunday…

Sunday…

Kevin franticly threw bicycle parts around his garage with his head bowed under the tool bench. The freckled cheeks were smeared with grease and orange mane full of dirt. COMPLETELY full of DIRT, so much dirt it was a light brown color. He hadn't bathed since he and Double D got it on. And falling face first in a mud puddle on the way home Saturday night didn't help much. _What's wrong with me! I can't concentrate on anything, everything I walk into the bathroom to shower; I see his house out my fucking window! AGHAGHAGHAGH! _ A few grunts and a wrench shaped dent in a wall later, Kevin sat back on his haunches grinding his teeth together.

He was torn. He wanted to get a banner that exclaimed 'I love a dork' and wear it like a cape but he couldn't manage to even say it when no one was around. Was he ashamed? Was it fear? _Are you kidding me, everyone already knows. _Is it because having a secret makes it hotter? Does keeping people out of the loop turn him on?_ Way to go making me sound like a pervert PKat… _His parents? His peers? Did he just not know how to go about dating a guy? Or was it Double D? _That's right… he's not as comfortable with it as me. I need to tell him first how much I love him before proclaiming it to Senate. _

"Hey Kevin?" said a voice from the doorway. His dad lowered himself onto the smooth concrete floor. The blue checkered robe trailed behind him as he approached his son in nothing but pajama bottoms. "How long have you been up?" Glancing at the digital clock above the bike rack, both gingers sighed.

"Since yesterday." The younger replied, ruffling the dust on his head. Arranging his face in stern expression, the older man lowered himself next to his son to the sound of his knees popping out of place. He looked his son up and down before leaning forward, hands in lap.

"You were gone for almost 24 hours. I know what that means, I found myself in that place before." He paused, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Who was it?"

"Edd." Kevin stated unreserved, staring right back at his father with a sheepish grin. In the time it took for Mr. Kevin to respond, sunlight had won the game of hide seek it had been playing with little Kevin.

"S-so you didn't have sex?"

"No Dad, I had sex."

"With Nazz?"

"No, Edd."

"Is that one of the Kankers?"

"No he's the nerdy kid across the street."

"Oh god 'he'…" He capped his face in his hands, more out of shock than shame or anguish. Kevin patted his old man on the back as he sat mumbling quietly about nothing coherent.

"If it's any conciliation, Nat's gayer than me and his boyfriend." He said with a sigh of relief and a smile. _That made me feel better._

"Did he do this to you?! Is that painted… man-slut the reason you had sex with that boy?!" He wailed, holding his temples like it head was throbbing.

"Dad!" Kevin barked, barely holding back the snort. "Nat isn't a man slut and I slept with Double D because he is the cutest little guy you'll ever meet. He's smart and he's got these big innocent blue-green eyes. That jet black hair, that gap between his front teeth and how he's always wearing some kind of knit. You'd think was scrawny and he gets so into shit it's adorable! Oh god Dad… I love that dork!" He finished in a rush, looking at his old man through a love addled haze.

"Sport… that is the same look I gave your uncle when I was telling him about my first date with your Mom. I always wondered what he meant by 'beaten senseless by cupid' but now I get it."

* * *

The amoeba wiggled around in the round peep hole that was the microscope lens. Double D groaned as he tried to lean forward far enough to look down at the cart to identify the specimen. _Lord have mercy, it still hurts…! _Abondoing his science to wallow in his confusion and pain for the first time in his young life, Edd sank into his desk chair. He no longer knew where his loyalties lay, to his parents or to Kevin.

Religion and the ideology aside, scientifically two males couldn't create offspring without help. Was that was something Edd could deny his parents? Was it something he could deny himself? _Aren't I a little young to worry about the prospect of children? Maybe I should localize my dilemma to the here and now, _He analyzed in his head. _If Kevin and I maintain a monogamous relationship would my parents accept that as my lifestyle? If we don't remain romantically tied ("_Don't you dare think like that dork!" a little voice bellowed at him), _I myself come to the conclusion that a homosexual relationship wouldn't bug me otherwise. There isn't any female compatriot who I can visualize in such a situation as yesterday morning. _

He sighed. _I've come full circle. I have no evidence I'm straight and no argument against staying with Kevin. In the event my parents do reject the premise, I will have to enlighten them. It makes me happy father… mother… I'm happy with him. I'm happy where I am. _He wanted to tell them right now but they were probably on a plane or in an airport, not worrying about their distraught doesn't son. Their promiscuous teenage son… _Oh god, I have to explain I had sex too! That would be the topic to start with and segway into the details of my partner's gender._

A door slammed downstairs, making the nerd jump. If it had been any other day, the logical conclusion of what it was would have come so easily to him that missing it today was comical. He was so on edge from what Kevin did to him that, he wondered if it was Kevin, come for a romantic tryst in the fading hours of daylight. His cheeks flushed at his own daring thought process. _I'm such a slut. How would Kevin even get in my house?_ He argued with himself, not entirely shaking the idea. _Should I face this like an intruder situation and attack whoever it is (Kevin). Or would it be better to make myself more…_ He blushed even harder, unable to even complete the thought.

Settling on pretending to defending himself, Double D rose from his chair and moved to the space behind his door. He hoped Kevin would hurry up because standing for too long would destroy his plan, he could already feel his legs getting weak. But then the stairs creaked, one step at a time, squeaking only when weight was applied. The person was limping… that wasn't Kevin. Edd's heart rate sky rocketed and his fight of flight response kicked in. _Not good Not good Not good! My stature surely means my defeat!_ Balling his fists, Edd decided he was fighting this battle, being too late to climb out the window and now he had a couple reasons to live and people to make proud.

"Yo Double D…. HOLY SHIT!" A short brown haired boy yelled before being tackled to the floor by a scrawny kid in argyle. The label littered room was filled with screams for a few rapid seconds before the head lock Double D had executed was broken and the boy was pinned underneath the bigger of the two.

"Eddy?!" Double D screeched.

"Yeah! Who the fuck else just walks into your house on a Sunday?!" Eddy barked back, squishing his friend a bit more out of anger. But the whimper was all too much for his overpowering spirit. Eddy rolled off him and laid on his back next him.

"…what happened to your leg?" Edd asked innocently, twiddling his thumbs.

"Oh… I'm not the most coordinated drunk ya know."

"You've drank before?"

"No. As if I could hide a hangover from you."

"They are not a joy." Double D sated drily. Eddy glanced at him and saw his face was bright red.

"I take it your drinking has more successful than mine?" The shade of red darkened. "How was it?"

"How was WHAT?!" Edd yelped sitting up faster than his should have and he flopped right back down across Eddy's knees. "Does that answer your question?" Eddy pushed himself up into a sitting position. They sat for a minute in comfortable silence that can only be brought about by honesty. He looked down at Double D, taking in his flushed face, the almost relaxed aura he gave off and the seemingly female frustration. He grew up over the weekend, and to Eddy's trained eye it was obvious. The kid had gained all this self confidence and he didn't know what to do with it. Self confidence that can only be gotten from one person doing one thing.

"Kevin is a lucky man." Eddy said, patting his lifelong friend on the back, smiling outwardly but planning inwardly how to keep Kevin in line.

* * *

Eddy being brotherly is the second sexist thing even on my second list of top ten sexy things. So it would really be the twelfth sexiest thing. He is a jackass but I love him. Parents in distress are one of the funniest situations. And Kevin's Dad seemed stupid enough to not flip. So one more chapter and shit. I got a few more dust bunny ideas I have to shine before writing but I wont be gone long. If you can't live with out me I've posted original work on Deviantart. Link on my profile.

PervKatzchen out bitches.


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